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. H587 A35 




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MEMOIR 

OF 

MES. SUSAN HOWARD, 

LATE OF THE SOUTH AMERICAN MISSION. 



WITH EXTRACTS FROM HER 

JOURNAL AND LETTERS. 



BY WILLIAM CHAPIN, 

PRINCIPAL OF THE OHIO INSTITUTION FOR THE BLIND. 



NEW-YORK: 
PUBLISHED FOR THE AUTHOR, 

AT THE METHODIST BOOK CONCERN, 200 MULBERRY-STREET. 

1845. 



£x? m ' 

Ass 



f3K % 

PREFACE. 

In this little volume will be found 
the simple and unaffected evidences 
of a devoted Christian spirit ; the meek 
and quiet records of one who loved her 
Saviour, and whose highest desire and 
cherished hope to the last was, that she 
might do and suffer her Master's will 
She was deeply imbued with a mis- 
sionary spirit; her longing wish was 
to be engaged in active missionary 
labor. If the Lord did not fully satisfy 
her thirsting soul in this respect, she 
was at least called into situations and 
circumstances of trial and privation 
that gave the highest evidences of her 
faith and unreserved consecration to 
the cause of her Redeemer. 



4 



PREFACE. 



The filial and devoted affection con- 
stantly manifested by Mrs. Howard, in 
her letters, toward her parents, sisters, 
and brothers, will find a warm response 
in every heart. They are. also worthy 
of admiration on account of their mere 
literary merits. Although written with- 
out a distant thought of their publica- 
tion, yet they will be found to be beau- 
tiful and natural specimens of a chaste 
epistolary style. 

The compiler trusts that they may 
be the means of awakening and che- 
rishing in the hearts of others a love of 
piety, and those sweet and compara- 
tively unappreciated Christian graces, 
resignation under trials, and also of 
commending the duties of a devoted 
and constant affection to parents ; one 
of the lovely virtues which adorn the 
Christian character. 



CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER I. 

Birth and parentage of Mrs. Howard — Early conver- 
sion — Her marriage with Mr. Knight — Removal to Mor- 
ristown, N. J. — Extracts from her letters — Spiritual en- 
joyment Page 7 

CHAPTER II. 

Letters — Early sorrow — Dangerous illness and death of 
her husband — Her distress — Return to her parents in New- 
York — Resignation — Visit to her former residence — Verses 
— Death of her sister Harriet Maria 14 

CHAPTER III. 

Extracts from her diary — Resolutions of self-consecra- 
tion — Letters and journal — Death of her daughter — Ac- 
quaintance with Rev. O. Howard — Her letter to him — 
Their marriage 28 

CHAPTER IV. 

Diary — Departure of Mr. and Mrs. Howard for Buenos 
Ayres to engage in a missionary school — Farewell lines — 
Letters and journal written on the voyage — Arrival at 
Monte Video, S. A. — Favorable prospects on landing 54 

CHAPTER V. 

Letters — Arrival at Buenos Ayres — First impressions — 
Extracts from her letters — Unfavorable prospects of the 
mission school — Failure of her health — Serious exercises 
of mind — Birth of a daughter — Letters and diary . 85 



6 



CONTENTS. 



CHAPTER VI. 

Extracts from letters — Depression of spirits — Probable 
suspension of the mission — Prospect of returning to the 
United States — Letters and diary — Arrival in New- York. 

Page 108 

CHAPTER VII. 

Mr. Howard appointed by the New- York Conference 
to Durham, Conn., as a traveling preacher — Letters and 
diary of Mrs. Howard — Her happiness—Longings after 
usefulness — Their removal to Fairfield, N. Y. — Declining 
health — Gloomy anticipations— Her last letter to her pa- 
rents 119 

CHAPTER VIII. 

Birth of another daughter — Named Susan Howard — 
Visit to her parents in New-York — Her health continues 
to fail — Goes to Tarrytown — Returns home to Fairfield — 
Rapid decline — Resignation and spiritual enjoyment — 
Triumphant death — Conclusion. ....... 129 



MEMOIR 

OF 

MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



CHAPTER I. 

Birth and parentage of Mrs. Howard — Early conver- 
sion — Her marriage with Mr. Knight — Removal to Mor- 
ristown, N. J. — Extracts from her letters — Spiritual en- 
joyment. 

Mrs. Susan Howard was born in the city of 
New- York, on the 24th of March, 1815. She 
was the second daughter of Mr. Andrew C. and 
Mrs. Harriet Wheeler, who have long been known 
and beloved for their active labors in the church, 
and in various departments of Christian benevo- 
lence. They had four sons and three other daugh- 
ters. The latter all united early with the church 
of Christ. 

Mrs. Howard experienced religion in her thir- 
teenth year. An amiable and most affectionate 
child from infancy, she became from this tender 
age a meek, humble, and consistent follower of 
her Saviour. 



8 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

On the 1 1th of June, 1 834, at the age of nineteen, 
she was married to Mr. William Knight, and left 
her parents' roof to reside near Morristown, New- 
Jersey. The following letters, written after this 
period, discover the ease and gracefulness of her 
style in letter writing, and that devoted affection 
for her parents which animated her heart as long 
as she lived : — 

" Morristown, June 16th, 1834. 

" My Beloved Parents, — I hasten to allay the 
anxiety which my heart tells me you must feel on 
my account, by assuring you of my welfare and 
happiness ; and by telling you that though absent 
in the body, and deprived of the inestimable pri- 
vilege of enjoying your society, yet a sacred thrill 
of pleasure — of mixed emotions — pervades my 
soul whenever these words are mentioned; — father, 
mother ! O how fraught with interest* is the very 
sound of them ! When my heart is led in retro- 
spect to review past scenes and former enjoy- 
ments at home, what an overwhelming sense of 
gratitude arises within me for the mercies of my 
God in giving me so many sources of happiness ! 

" Dear father, dear mother ! believe me, I realize 
now, if I never did before, how much I owe you. 
I cannot for a moment think of all your love and 
care toward me, but my full heart is ready to burst 
with gratitude. And ever since I have been here, 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 9 

I can truly say my most consolatory moments have 
been passed when kneeling at the throne of grace, 
and imploring that all the prayers you have for 
so many years offered up for your children may 
return with tenfold blessings upon your own heads. 
And I believe my heavenly Father will hear the 
prayer. 

" Doubtless you desire to know something of 
my arrival. It was about four o'clock when the 
stage left us at the door, and with a beating 
heart I entered. We were soon conducted up to 

mother K . She kissed me, wept over me, 

and gave me such a cordial, feeling reception as 
to fill me immediately with the hope and the de- 
lightful sensation that in her I should find for the 
future a second beloved mother. Methinks I see 
your eyes fill with tears at such a pleasing pros- 
pect for your daughter. Yes, my parents, with 
the blessing of God, I think I shall be very happy 
here. As yet that distressing complaint, home 
sickness, has not been felt, nor thought of. 

" How lovely the country is ! how delightful the 
fresh, balmy air ! and how soothing to the mind 
the stillness which surrounds us ! These, with 
the new circumstances in which I am placed — - 
the new character which I sustain — have a ten- 
dency to buoy up my mind and support me under 
my removal from the paternal home. 

. * . . I must now close, by assuring you 



10 MEMOIR OF MRS SUSAN HOWARD. 

that my heart clings with fervor to the home of 
my youth ; and absence only strengthens my at- 
tachment for our dearly-loved family. 
" Your affectionate daughter, 

" Susan Knight." 

The following letter was written to her father, 
who was at this time a member of the New- York 
Legislature, at Albany : — 

" Morristown, N. J., Feb. 21st, 1835. 

" My Dear, Kind Father, — I realized, most 
sensibly, at the reception of your letter, how fool- 
ish my fears had been, that you would forget me. 
This was a gratifying proof to my heart, that even 
surrounded as you were by public affairs of im- 
portance, and occupations calculated to wean the 
thoughts from inferior objects, yet, notwithstand- 
ing all, my father selected an opportunity, in this 
active, busy time, to send a token of remembrance 
to his absent, though affectionate daughter. 

" This first epistle from the hand of a beloved 
father shall be hoarded up as a sacred treasure, 
and shall also serve as a stimulant to my hope, 
that for the future I may enjoy many happy mo- 
ments in perusing and reperusing fresh proofs of 
a father's love and remembrance. 

" I have rejoiced to hear of the success that has 
attended your career ; and that when occasions 
have been found to test principles, yours were as 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 11 



firm as a rock — steadfast and immovable. The 
consciousness of rectitude and integrity yields a 
satisfaction which the immoral and the unprinci- 
pled have no conception of. Is it not so, my 
father ? My prayer is, that the Lord will continue 
to direct your steps, and that you, as his faithful 
servant, may be enabled unceasingly to acknow- 
ledge him in all your ways. 

" How are you pleased with the city of Albany? 
Do you find its charms and attractions an equiva- 
lent for the endearments and social enjoyments of 
home ? No ! methinks I hear you say, 

1 My home ! — how sweet the sound — my home ! 
Scene of my Eden hours ; 
Where love, and joy, and pleasure bloom, — 
Life's bright perennial flowers.' 

O how my bosom swells, and emotion fills my 
eyes with tears when home is the subject of my 
contemplations ! Dear father, how sweet the re- 
trospection of my past life when under the paternal 
roof ! You cannot imagine what delight it creates 
within me, when looking back, and bringing to 
remembrance the mercies and blessings that have 
crowned my life. I hope, father, you will pray 
for me, that from a review of the past goodness of 
the Lord I may be encouraged to put my trust in 
him for the future— -for what is to come. 
" Your sincerely affectionate daughter, 

" Susan Knight." 



12 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



TO HER SISTER, MRS. B. 

"Morristown, 1835. 

"My Dear Sister, — My lamp, or the light of 
it, is almost extinguished, casting a sombre, me- 
lancholy shade on all around, while I am engaged 
in the labors of the pen, and in the pleasing task 
of holding imaginary converse with you. Would 
that it were a reality ! How joyously would I 
assure you by word of mouth of my welfare and 
happiness; and of the sincere wishes my heart 
entertains for your continued prosperity in tempo- 
ral and spiritual good ! 

" I must inform you what a profitable day this 
sabbath has been to me. It has been so strange 
and uncommon a thing for me to feel encourage- 
ment respecting the concerns of my soul for some 
time back, that what little I have enjoyed these 
few days renders me unspeakably grateful. And 
now, tell my dearest, beloved mother, that it is to 
her I feel indebted for the determination to make 
one more effort to gain the favor of God : for in 
my little trials, and in the anticipation of greater, 
I felt that I could not take my troubles to the Lord, 
neither hope nor look for his support in times of 
need. I have been very unhappy in mind, because 
I knew that I peculiarly needed a Saviour more 
than ever I did in my life ; and yet I groped in 
darkness, and neglected to cast my whole soul on 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 13 

Him who was so willing to receive a penitent 
sinner. 

"I received mother's letter, and read it with 
an overflowing heart. She advised me strongly, 
when Satan suggested to my mind harassing and 
dreadful imaginations, to carry my cares to 
the Lord, and he would deliver me: — to make 
God my trust, soul and body, without reserve. 

how it made me feel the loss of comfort, and 
my need of a Saviour's love ! I went to the Lord 
— was drawn and taught by his Holy Spirit, and 
have daily since been growing in strength, encou- 
ragement, and comfort. O the goodness of the 
Lord ! Jane, you must pray for me and mother, 
that the Lord will keep me faithful ; for what shall 

1 do if I have no hope in God, and no Saviour to 
lean upon ! 

" Let the blessing which attended mother's let- 
ter to me encourage her to write frequently to her 
absent children respecting their souls' welfare. I 
know how it is when absent from those who are 
so dear to us, if a word of advice or encourage- 
ment meets the eye, how tender the feelings be- 
come ; how easily a deep impression is made ! 
The seed falls in good ground. 

" Tell my dearest mother, that when I pray for 
peculiar blessings on her honored head, for returns 
for all her care and anxieties for her children to 
be bestowed upon her, then I believe that God will 



14 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



give her the richest, costliest blessing — the con- 
version of all their souls. May our hearts ever 
realize, dear sister, how good the Lord has been 
in giving us such parents ! And let us turn about 
and besiege the throne of grace, as they have 
always done for us, that every desire of their 
hearts may be granted ; that prosperity may con- 
tinue theirs in life, and peace be with them in the 
hour of death. 

"Your own Susan." 



CHAPTER II. 

Letters — Early sorrow — Dangerous illness and death of 
her husband — Her distress — Return to her parents in New- 
York — Resignation — Visit to her former residence — Verses 
— Death of her sister Harriet Maria. 

The beautiful, filial, and affectionate spirit of 
these letters is worthy of admiration. Thus far 
her life had been almost like a summer sea. 
Scarce a cloud of sorrow had ever yet mantled upon 
her brow. She had parted indeed from the home 
of the best of parents, and from the society of 
affectionate sisters and brothers ; but she had ex- 
changed the paternal roof for another home of 
affection, where she was a truly beloved and che- 
rished member. And, as we have seen, she was 
still happy. The candle of the Lord still shone 
brightly in her dwelling. 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 15 

But we have now to record, in her own artless 
and affecting language, her first lessons in the 
school of affliction. Her happiness was soon to 
be blighted ; and we shall have an opportunity to 
contemplate her Christian character when tried 
by early and bitter sorrow. The following letters 
speak of her husband's serious illness : — 

TO MRS. J. B. 
u Morris-town, N. J. f March 24th, 1835. 
" My own Dear Sister, — How are you and 
the family ? Are you all well ? If so, I dislike to 
disturb your comfort by mentioning any cause for 
sorrow your absent sister may have. But who 
can deny themselves the consolation of reposing 
their cares and anxieties in so warm and sympa- 
thizing a bosom as yours 1 I am not stoic enough ; 
though it is with sincere regret I wrong your 
affectionate heart by any communication that is 
not cheering and pleasant. You wonder and ask, 
What ails my sister ? Is there not sufficient rea- 
son, dearest Jane, for my soul to seek and require 
your sympathy 1 My husband — my bosom compa- 
nion — is very poorly. He is diseased in body to 
a much greater extent than was feared. Last 
Wednesday he was taken very violently with what 
seemed at first an attack of pleurisy ; but other 
symptoms appearing, the physician decides his 
disease to be the liver complaint 



16 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



" Dear sister, it is hard to see one we dearly 
love thus exposed to sickness and death. The 
more attachments we form — the more ties we 
have — the more acutely our sensibilities are ex- 
posed to suffer. Is it not so ? I am endeavoring 
to lean upon the strong arm of the Almighty ; and 
whatever I have to pass through, to rest upon 
God's promise, that ' according to our day, so 
shall our strength be.' My own situation is pe- 
culiarly calculated to worry and harass my mind, 
while my dear husband is thus afflicted. But I 
feel that I can praise the Lord for as much power 
as is given me to let the future rest with him, 
'who tempers the wind to the shorn lamb.' I 
think I can trust him. And that the affliction may 
be sanctified to both our souls is my earnest and 
continual prayer. Not more than a moment do 
the fears and anxious forebodings which present 
themselves to me have power to distress or make 
me unhappy ; because I realize sensibly that Je- 
sus is near to sustain and comfort me. Now, dear 
Jane, write immediately, and pray earnestly for 
us both. 

" Your dearly beloved Susan." 

TO HER PARENTS. 

" Morris town, Oct. 20th, 1835. 
" My Dear Parents,— An opportunity occurs 
to write you a few lines. There is nothing cheer- 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 17 

ful to state. No, my dear parents, no good news 
to communicate. William [her husband] has been 
failing fast since his departure from New- York. 
He is, I fear, a great deal worse. I have, myself, 
been as sick as I could well be, having been con- 
fined, with a violent fever, almost entirely to my 
room for three days. And now my little Harriet, 
— my sweet cherub — lies stretched on a pillow, 
and has been the whole day long very, very ill. 
O how sick she is ! ... I have to take the 
little sick daughter, pillow and all, on mamma's lap. 
O my father — my mother ! how sorely the Lord 
afflicts me ! I am murmuring in heart constantly. 
Would that I could say, ' The Lord giveth, and the 
Lord taketh away ; blessed be the name of the 
Lord/ 5 But O ! my heart rebels at my fate. My 
afflictions these few days past have shed a gloom 
across my mind which nothing but the love of God 
can dissipate, and this I do not possess. 

" My poor William, how my heart aches for 
him ! He clings to life and health, and contin- 
ually speaks of raising up his little family, as if 
the possibility of his disease ending in death never 
entered his mind. As for me, I can no longer 
flatter myself, Daily evidence proves that his 
disease is fast approaching a climax. I look at 
him, and can scarce restrain my feelings. Little 
does he think what passes in the heart of his poor 

wife Do not be frightened when 

2 



18 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



you read this letter, for it may be I have written 
under the influence of too gloomy feelings, and 
therefore things may not be so bad as I imagine 
them. .... Your daughter in love, 

6i Susan Knight." 

TO HER SISTER, MRS. B. 

" Morristown, Dec. 23d, 1835. 
" Dearest Sister, — I am endeavoring to live 
according to the precepts of your letter, and I thank 
you for your kind advice. I find that by frequently 
taking up my cross, and striving, with meekness 
and firmness, to perform my duties, I enjoy more 
contentment of mind. I find, by degrees, I am 
getting into the right path, and I am in hopes that 
it will soon be illuminated by the 6 Sun of right- 
eousness.' 

" My dear companion is very happy in the Lord. 
The love of Jesus is his constant theme. O how 
thankful I am ! His soul seems to be renewed, 
and his heart rejoices in his Saviour. Poor Wil- 
liam ! he is again what he was in respect to his 
health— he is extremely weak : and altogether we 
have great cause to be anxious. 

" Tell sisters Harriet and Mary to take warn- 
ing. They are young, but not too young to die. 
I will answer dear Harriet's very pleasing and 
acceptable letter soon. 

" Your own Susan." 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



IS 



TO THE SAME. 

"Morristown, Feb. 21st, 1836. 

" Dear, Dear Jane,— How good the Lord is 
to me in bestowing such a comforting, encourag- 
ing sister ! Let me assuage the grief your bosom 
feels for my woes, by the assurance that the Sa- 
viour whom you recommend is near to comfort 
and defend your afflicted sister. O yes, dear Jane, 
and my dear parents, God stretches out his strong, 
almighty arm for me to lean on. As I kneel down 
in prayer, he helps me to cast my burden on him, 
who alone is able to sustain me. I cannot express 
to you how wonderfully I realize that his provi- 
dential care is over me ; and I see, day by day, 
that £ all things work together for good.' 

" Can you wonder then that I long to pour out 
my heart to you, and acknowledge the gratitude I 
feel to my heavenly Father, who ' chasteneth in 
mercy,' and who 1 tempereth the wind to the shorn 
lamb V 

" I earnestly pray that I may come out of the 
furnace like gold tried by the refiner's fire, and 
purified from all dross. 

" You are anxious to hear how my dear com- 
panion is : he is failing rapidly. The doctor in- 
forms us that he may possibly live a month yet ; 
but perhaps not longer than a week. He is sensi- 
ble that he may drop off in a minute. But, poor 



20 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



sufferer, there seems to be a struggle within. O 
pray for him, that liberty may be given him to say, 
* O grave, where is thy victory ? O death, where 
is thy sting V 

"Your own Susan." 

TO HER PARENTS. 
"Morristown, N. J., March, 1836. 
" My dear, beloved, kindest of parents, and my 
dear sister Jane, do you not rejoice that my dear 
husband is so happy in Jesus 1 I cannot tell you 
what a consecrated spot it seems to be where the 
bed stands that supports his feeble, emaciated 
body : and he says, 6 All I wait for is, for my Sa- 
viour to say, Come up higher. ' He has been 
telling us to-day whom he wishes to preach his 
funeral sermon, and what ministers he wanted 
present ; and he talks to us all, and tells us what 
he wants us to do when he is gone, with as much 
composure as if he were going on a short journey. 
O that the Lord would support me, for it almost 
overwhelms me when I realize that we must part! 
" Your affectionate daughter, 

" Susan Knight." 

Her anticipations were soon realized. Her 
husband from this moment rapidly failed, and on 
the 4th of March, 1836, he died. She soon after 
returned, with her infant daughter, to her former 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 21 

home with her parents in New- York city, where 
she could find sympathy and consolation under 
this severe bereavement. And now she conse- 
crated her widowed heart anew to the Lord. She 
was drawn from the chamber which was the wit- 
ness of so many of her tears, to engage in active 
scenes of Christian love. She became a teacher 
in a sabbath school ; and in her class and prayer 
meetings she exhibited the resignation and devo- 
tion of an humble follower of the blessed Saviour. 

She visited, occasionally, the scene of her 
wedded joy and sorrow at Morristown. The fol- 
lowing lines, written in reference to one of these 
visits, were published at the time in some of the 
public papers. 

A young and interesting girl on her marriage 
left her parents' roof to reside with her husband 
in a pleasant little cottage, blooming, like herself, 
with the blossoms and loveliness of spring. For 
a brief period the sun rose and set sweetly on 
that delightful spot, and hope and joy smiled 
around the hearthstone within. Fragrant and 
beautiful was that quiet home. But the hour of 
trial and darkness came. That lovely girl became 
a widow ; the cottage was at once cheerless ; and 
she returned, with a blight upon her heart and a 
cloud upon her brow, to her father's house. It 
was her custom to pay an occasional visit to that 
spot consecrated as the shrine of her early affec- 



22 MEMOIR OF MRS, SUSAN HOWARD. 

tion— to awaken " the joy of grief" — to live over 
the past in melancholy associations. Such is the 
paradox of the human affections ! 

THE WIFE TO HER DEPARTED HUSBAND. 

I hear thee not— ^1 see thee not, 

Thy footstep is not here, 
Where once it was my happy lot 

To meet thee, husband, dear. 
A saddening thought comes o'er my brain — 
I cannot see thy form again. 

Our cottage smiles upon the green, 

Just as it smiled before ; 
The willows weep a grateful shade 

Before that cottage door ; 
But when I to the spot repair, 
I feel, alas ! thou art not there. 

The songsters still as sweetly sing, 

Nor heed they of my care ; 
And fragrant flowers are blossoming 

In the morning's balmy air. 
I love them, for they bring to me 
Some sweet memorials of thee. 

That cottage hearth no longer brings 

The joys of other years, 
When hours flew by with golden wings, 

Nor told that life had cares. 
I hear thy voice no longer there, 
As once we knelt to God in prayer. 

Thou art not here — thou art not here, 
To greet me as before ; 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD, 23 

Yet He, who dries the mourner's tear, 

Now bids me weep no more. 
Soaring in realms of purer bliss, 
I would not call thee back to this. 

The song — the glorious song is thine — 

The Lamb for sinners slain ; 
The better duty now be mine, 

To glory in thy gain. 
And when this weary life is o'er, 
We meet — to say farewell no more. 

During one of the visits above alluded to, she 
wrote to her sister Harriet the following letter : — 

" Morristown, Sept. 5th, 1837. 

" Dearest Sister Harriet, — As you are ever 
in my heart and in my thoughts, with all the rest 
of our dear family, I believe I will indulge myself 
by writing to you. Harriet, you know I was 
very fearful that the change of scene would be 
very injurious to my mind. But true it is, the 
God of Israel neither slumbers nor sleeps ; and 
our God is a sun and a shield to all them that try 
to walk uprightly. I have realized this visit to 
be a blessing to me indeed. I hope I shall be 
more humble when I return home ; more patient, 
tell my dear sister Mary ; and more useful. 

" Tell my dear parents this promise has been 
abundantly verified to me — ' Since thou hast been 
precious in my sight, thou hast been honorable/ 



24 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



The Lord raises me up friends, and it seems 
wherever I turn I receive looks and tokens of 
affection and esteem. How true it is, if we 4 set 
on His work our steadfast eye, so shall our work 
be done I 9 

" Dear sister, what our hands find to do, let us 
do it with all our might, for we know not what a 

day may bring forth My dear little 

Harriet is so good — you cannot tell how much 
comfort I have with her. 

"Your own dear Susan." 

This sister, Harriet, was the next younger than 
herself, and to whom she was most tenderly at- 
tached. She was truly an amiable and lovely 
being, admired and beloved by a large circle of 
friends ; and particularly was she noticed for the 
pure and unaffected piety which adorned the 
morning bloom of her life. She too was a mark 
for the unrelenting destroyer. She was seized 
with a pulmonary affection, which rapidly broke 
down her delicate frame. She died in the full 
enjoyment of hope in her Saviour, on the 7th of 
December, 1837. 

This death was a severe affliction to the family, 
and especially to the remaining sisters, who were 
her constant companions. When the writer of 
this visited the house of mourning, where lay that 
beautiful corpse — lovely in death — the calm smile 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 25 

of triumph still upon her lips — he was affected 
on witnessing the strength of religion which sup- 
ported the subject of this Memoir in this her 
second great trial. Nature was struggling under an 
affliction which seemed almost insupportable. O 
the sweet spirit of resignation in that trying hour ! 

On inquiring of Mrs. Knight how she sustained 
her trial, she exclaimed, " Our grief is great ; but 
we are supported by grace" While we admire the 
calm spirit of Addison in those memorable words 
on his death-bed, to his young kinsman, "See in 
what peace a Christian can die," may we not also 
add in view of such a scene — See in what peace 
a Christian may suffer ! It was indeed the spirit 
and resignation of the Master she served — "Not 
my will, but thine be done." It is in the depths 
of affliction that the heart is tried, and its faith 
proved. It is here the voice of the child of God 
may be heard, " Even so, Father, for so it seemeth 
good in thy sight." 

So deeply did the death of Harriet Maria affect 
her, that it was for months the constant theme of 
her conversation. She took a mournful interest 
in dwelling upon the loveliness of her departed 
sister, her resignation, and glorious death. It 
doubtless contributed to prepare her own mind for 
a fuller consecration to the cause of her Redeem- 
er, and to feel herself but a pilgrim and sojourner 
here. The following lines, commemorative of 



26 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



this bereavement, embracing a notice of several 
little circumstances attending the death-bed scene, 
were much prized by Mrs. Howard : — 

LINES, 

On the death of Harriet Maria Wheeler, who departed 
December 7th, 1837. 

Come, daughter, once more let thy sweet numbers flow, 
Let that soft, failing voice, tune in sweetness once more ; 

Thou art better to-day — rosy health seems to glow 
On that cheek where so oft it hath gloried before. 

She smiled — like a star from the haven of rest, 
So bright and unclouded — so calm and serene — 

She sung, as she thought, of her home with the blest, 
Of Jesus — of parting — of glories unseen. 

The last note is heard — all is silent again — 

The smile is still bright, but the rose it has flown ; 

Sister angels had listen'd, and caught the pure strain, 
And death — welcome messenger ! — mark'd her his own. 

I am weary y my mother — I'm weary to-day !* 

Ah ! how famt is that voice, and that temple how frail ! 

Thou art failing, my child — thou art wasting away — 
Thy hand feels so cold, and thy cheek looks so pale ! 

* On this occasion, while performing, at the request 
of her mother, a favorite sacred air on the piano, with 
more than her usual animation, her mother noticed a sud- 
den change in her countenance. The hand of death was 
evidently upon her. The mother, alarmed, inquired of 
the lovely sufferer if she did not feel worse ? She only 
replied, " I feel weary, mother!" so anxious was she to 
prevent anxiety on her own account. She was taken to 
her chamber, and never again left it before she di§d. 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



27 



O weep not, dear mother, I go to my rest — 

Will not parents and sisters soon come to me there ? 

7 Tis a mansion of bliss for the blood-ransom'd guest, 
Where the soul wings its flight, free from sickness and 
care. 

who could forget her in that solemn hour,* 
When the family circle were gather'd alone, 

To present them, while sickness yet left her the power, 
Some memorials to look on when she should be gone I 

Dear father, this volume of God's holy word — 
The gift of thy love — I restore now to thee ; 

When thy daughter in yonder cold ground is interr'd, 
Wilt thou read it, dear father, and think upon me? 

My mother, who kindly hast pillow'd my head, 
I leave thee this " Token " — a dear gift of thine ; 

And, dearest, when I shall be laid with the dead, 
Wilt thou treasure this volume because it was mine ? 

Dearest sister ! this ring I bestow upon thee ; 

Though trifling it seem, 'tis a pledge of my love ; 
Thou weepest — dear loved one, O weep not for me, 

For I go to rejoice in the mansions above. 

1 leave this memorial, dear brother, to thee ; 

Let these " Hymns " in thy bosom with harmony swell, 
And when tempests shall rage o'er the dark distant sea, 
" Look aloft" — trust in Jesus, and all will be well. 

* On the evening of her death, and but a short time be- 
fore her departure, she had all the family around her, to 
receive her parting gifts. She bestowed upon each of 
them some token of affection. 



28 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



She linger'd, that beautiful being of clay, 

Like a flower that fades in the morn's sunny air — 

Like the sweet golden sunset just melting away — 
Leaving darkness with us, to shine brighter elsewhere. 

Time's last closing hours ran silently past, 

And the cold chill of death came over her breast ; 

She raised her white hand as in triumph at last; 
And her meek spirit flew to its heavenly rest. 



CHAPTER III. 

Extracts from her diary — Resolutions of self-consecra- 
tion — Letters and journal — Death of her daughter— Ac- 
quaintance with Rev. O. Howard—Her letter to him — 
Their marriage. 

Mrs. Knight from this time, in addition to her 
other pious labors, became an active and faithful 
tract distributor. Her heart was often encou- 
raged, while leaving these little messengers of 
mercy among the poor, to receive their gratitude 
and blessing for the interest she took in their wel- 
fare, temporal as well as spiritual. These sus- 
tained and comforted her under many trials in 
this work ; for her offers were often rejected, and 
at times she was rudely assailed and abused by 
the enemies of religion for her purely disinterest- 
ed labors. 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



29 



EXTRACTS FROM HER DIARY. 

" January IQth, 1838. It is a blessed privilege 
t not to condemn ourselves in the things which 
we allow,' as the Bible tells us. Well, if we 
keep a steady aim at profiting one another, and 
of aiding one another to sink deeper into the will 
of God, then I know we shall preserve ourselves 
from condemnation. 

"Jan. 15th. The hope of meeting my friends 
in heaven was very sweet while I was engaged 
in prayer this morning ; and I felt, stronger than 
ever, that this only is a state of probation, in which 
we may obtain a meetness for that heavenly inhe- 
ritance. And the more pure we are — the more 
holy — and the more faith we have, the nearer 
shall we have our seat around the throne of God. 
Let us go hand and heart in this co?nbat, and then 
let what will come, our prospect for the future 
will be bright and glorious, having constantly in 
view immortality beyond the grave. 

"18th. I think it was not in vain that I renew- 
ed my covenant last sabbath at the communion 
table. I have this afternoon a hope that notwith- 
standing I am constantly brought in contact with 
temptation and trial from the world, still the exer- 
cises of my mind the past week have resulted in 
an encouraging increase of my faith ; to-day lead- 
ing me to believe that God will at any time re- 



30 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD, 

store that full evidence of entire consecration which 
I formerly enjoyed. How my soul longs again 
to enjoy this blessing !" 

TO HER SISTER, MRS. B. 

"New-York, July 30th, 1838. 

" My Dearest Jane, — I promised you I would 
write a few lines when your dear husband came 
down, and now, not only as a duty, but as a great 
pleasure, I fulfill my engagement. 

" It is not only our thoughts, dearest sister, that 
bring you before us ; prayer ties us by a much 
stronger bond of affection ; and I have just been 
engaged in this delightful office. The burden of 
my request, sister, was for more entire submission 
to the will of God. Don't you feel the need of it 
too ? I do want to live for heaven, Jane, and to 
obtain a meetness for it in this world. Sometimes 
I think, if my time is to be shorter than I have 
supposed it to be, and my closing hour should 
suddenly draw nigh, have I done all my work ? 
Have I improved my one talent, so as to give an 
account with joy and not with dread ? This 
question awakens me, if at any time, through the 
weakness of the flesh, I feel like sitting at ease 
in Zion. 

6 Dear sister, unite with me, and let us examine 
ourselves, whether the love of our kind Father in 
heaven hath complete ascendency in our hearts 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 31 

and affections. O, Jane, how sweet it is to go 
and pray with faith ! This week past has been 
a joyful season with me. Whenever I draw nigh 
to God, I feel his promise verified — he will draw 
nigh to thee. And it appears as if my heavenly 
Father were by my side, and I have only to whis- 
per my petitions to have them granted, temporal 
as well as spiritual wants ; at least such as He 
sees needful for me. 

"Pray for me, that I may grow in grace and 
meetness for heaven ; for then only can I be fit 
to live on the earth. 

" Your own dear Susan." 

EXTRACTS FROM HER DIARY. 

"New- York, sabbath day, Jan. 13th, 1839. I 
solemnly invoke the blessing of God upon this 
new means of grace. May nothing be penned 
here, God, but the sincere expressions of my 
soul. And may they have a tendency to encou- 
rage me in searching my heart continually, that I 
may ever increase in self-knowledge, and thus be 
led more fully to cast myself in utter helplessness 
upon Christ, as my full atonement — my perfect 
Saviour. This sabbath day I feel that I can de- 
vote myself to do and suffer the will of God afresh. 
I have ventured to plead at the throne of grace 
for power to cease from all sin — for the sanctifica- 
tion of my affections, my will, my talents and in- 



32 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

fluence, to the service of God. I am convinced 
that it is the pure in heart only that can see God. 
While wrestling in faith I have felt that an in- 
crease of union with Christ was given. And 
now I will endeavor to view God in everything; 
especially in trial, in the furnace, and under the 
chastening rod. O Father, give me an increasing 
delight in thy service — in the cross ; and a full, 
clear evidence that I please thee, and enjoy thy 
approbation ! 

" Feb. 14th. Another month has gone into eter- 
nity, and what record have I to make ? I have 
been sustained through tribulation ; I have passed 
through conflict ; I felt that I was learning lessons 
of patience, long-suffering, and self-abandonment ; 
and I now ask myself, Where have these things 
brought me ? Have I become settled, established, 
unwavering, in that momentary act of faith in 
Christ Jesus that purines the heart 1 Not yet ! 
not yet ! 

" The path of suffering I see. I daily feel 
that it is to aid in bringing about this blessed re- 
sult. Not but what it is the will of God I should 
be happy if he sees I could be so without the 
rod ; but with sorrow I find that, notwithstanding 
the continued offerings I make of myself to him — 
the many tokens I have that he dwells with me as 
my covenant God — the close union I have with 
Christ as my advocate, my tender high priest, and 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 33 

my only righteousness, yet I grieve at the success 
which my vigilant foes frequently meet, when 
God permits this trial of my faith. Sometimes I 
come off conqueror; but O how often I am left 
wounded ! My only remedy then is to embrace 
the cross of Christ anew. In it there is a heal- 
ing balm, and a strengthening efficacy to arm me 
again, and prepare me for the battle. 

"Feb. 16th. This day witnesses these new 
resolutions. May God help me in the strength 
of faith and prayer to keep them ! 

" Resolved, to aim at more simplicity in appear- 
ance, as well as in heart, in the hope that a non- 
conformity to the world will give me an increasing 
influence as a Christian. 

" Resolved, to bear my testimony for Christ fully 
and courageously as opportunity occurs. 

" Resolved, by the help of God, to be more obe- 
dient, by striving to be fruitful in every word and 
work, whereof I have intimations by the Holy 
Spirit and my own conscience. 

"Resolved, to strive to be an example in my 
family, of patience, gentleness, and meekness, 
that they may take knowledge of me daily that I 
have been with Christ. 

" Resolved, to strive continually to lose my own 
will ; to desire nothing but Christ ; to cast every 
care upon him, and take him for my satisfying 
portion, my all in all. 

3 



34 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

" O righteous Father, endue me with faithful- 
ness, that I may render my vows aright. 

"Sabbath, Feb. 24th. The love of God has 
kept my heart loose from earthly entanglements, 
and from self-will, notwithstanding severe tempta- 
tions, since my last date. I set this down after 
a close examination as a sincere testimony of my 
experience. But as remembrances rush quickly 
upon me, I will put down some of my recent ex- 
ercises, and call upon my soul anew to praise 
God for all that is past, and to trust him for all 
that is to come. 

" When I look back at this precious season, it 
appears truly as if I should say, / have not lived ? 
but Christ hath lived in me. What an entire 
victory I have had constantly over my own heart, 
my will, passions, thoughts, and desires ! Victory 
implies, battles have been fought. 

" I have enjoyed, for several days past, true 
and deep-abiding peace with God ; and it has 
been sustained only by the Holy Spirit enabling 
me not to please myself but to crucify my flesh ; 
to offer my thoughts, words, and actions, in the 
spirit of sacrifice, in constant self denial and mo- 
mentary watchfulness and prayer. 

" And now, have I found his yoke heavy — his 
burden hard to bear ? No ! It seems, on looking 
back, that he made me a partaker of his holiness ; 
and then to serve him was a spontaneous act of 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 35 

the soul. And now, what a promise appears to 
my view to encourage me to choose for ever, as 
my portion, affliction with the people of God, 
rather than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a sea- 
son ! If ye will hearken to my commandments, 
then shall your peace be as a river, and your 
righteousness as the waves of the sea. O my 
God, thou seest my heart this moment ! thou 
knowest that I tremble from the sense of extreme 
weakness. This thought has gained some en- 
trance — ' It is not his will that you shall always 
have such a victory — such dominion over sin. 
You will surely relax your efforts this week, and 
lose this close communion.' I write it down 
here, O Father, to impress it more fully upon my 
mind, that Satan is trying to wrest from me my 
happiness, my faith. But I pray thee now, O 
God, to let me feel every moment that He that is 
for me is stronger than all that can rise against 
me. 

" 25th. I have spoken of what God has done 
for me, and wrought in me. Ah ! I cannot forget 
the moments of sorrow I have passed when at 
times I could realize, notwithstanding all God's 
goodness to me, that my heart was prone to sloth, 
to pride, to anger, to self-love, to idolatry, and to 
backslidings. It is so grievous to be tempted to 
sin against a Being who possesses our first affec- 
tions, and who makes our happiness by his smiles 



36 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

of approbation ; and O how saddening to the soul 
that aims at heavenly-mindedness, to feel its ar- 
dor dampened, its joys withered at times by the 
fresh proofs continually recurring, that while we 
are in the body, we are ever exposed to tempta- 
tion ! and hence we are never out of danger of 
falling from our steadfastness. 

" March 1st. I have felt at times that I have 
given all up for the Lord. I have realized that 
liberty was drawing nigh ; and one precious verse 
of the Bible, which I shall never forget, has been 
given me as from the Lord. It is Mai. iii, i : 
6 Behold, I will send my messenger, and he shall 
prepare the way before me : and the Lord whom 
ye seek shall suddenly come to his temple, even 
the messenger of the covenant, whom ye delight 
in : behold, he shall come, saith the Lord of 
hosts.' 

"20th. My mind was once thus engaged — I 
asked myself, Can't I, by the help of God, watch 
and pray an hour? And cannot He keep me a 
whole day as well as an hour in the use of the 
same means, free from condemnation ? And if a 
day, why not longer ? I resolved, therefore, so- 
lemnly to ask his blessing upon my present endea- 
vor to reckon myself, according to his word, dead 
to sin. I knelt in fervent prayer, and made a so- 
lemn dedication of myself to God. I was now 
going to believe his promise that he would save 



MEMOIR OF MilS. SUSAN HOWARD. 37 

to the uttermost. I rose from my knees, not 
checked for my boldness at the throne of grace, 
but with an unusual peace in my heart. I looked 
around me, and everything was light ! My burden 
was laid at the foot of the cross, while I believed 
in my heart — His power saves me; his blood 
cleanses me now. 

" I met my mother, and, forgetful of my former 
scruples, I said, ' Mother, I believe the Lord has 
accepted me fully, to be wholly his ; and I feel 
that I dare believe this moment, his blood 
cleanseth me from all sin ;' and the advice of this 
dear parent was, t My dear, if you continue to 
live by the moment, you need never lose your 
present confidence.' 

" I lived the day as I never lived before. It 
appeared as if a new existence had been given 
me. The light that was in my heart seemed to 
be reflected on every surrounding object ; and I 
felt that that light was the indwelling of the Holy 
Spirit. 

" I seemed to live a life almost in a day ; my 
faith brought me into such a sweet existence ! 
Nothing hut faith, given me by God, taught me 
then what full salvation was. Thus I lived for a 
season in glorious light and full acceptance. 

66 June 20th. I have not yet that liberty to plead 
with souls which I desire to have. I feel and 
realize continually that the blood of many will be 



38 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

required of me, as an individual. And O how 
tardy and slothful I am in working for my Master! 
How I long to break these bonds, and labor and 
travail for perishing sinners, as if I truly realized 
their awful danger, and feared that one might be 
lost, and lost for ever, through my negligence I O 
my God, empty me of self continually, and let 
thy glory stand alone as the end and object of my 
existence ! 

" July 6th. Where shall I begin the praises of 
my Redeemer? This day in what a wonderful 
manner he hath shown me that the angel of the 
Lord encampeth round about them that fear him ! 
I have not a doubt that I have escaped pretty near 
my death by his providential deliverance this 
day. O my God, I do here acknowledge thy love 
and protection, and may the life and health thus 
preserved be dedicated afresh wholly to thy ser- 
vice — thou, my sun, and shield, and exceeding 
great reward!" 

EXTRACT — TO MR. W. C. 

" New-York, July 22, 1839. 
" I have returned to New-York after an absence 
of a few days, and found home sweeter than ever. 
The country was very beautiful. If I had a pen 
to compete with yours, perhaps Jersey might also 
be portrayed in very glowing colors ; but, for 
want of this, many of its charming retreats must 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 39 



remain in the shade, until it becomes the resi- 
dence of some genius, who, like , can so por- 
tray its charms as to induce us almost to imagine it 
a fairy-land. It is thus we shall begin to think 
of P , if it does indeed come up to your de- 
scription — such a union of the beautiful, sublime, 
and picturesque. You must have a happy home 
in the country : and so have we one in the city, 
surrounded as we are by noise, confusion, and 
tumult. 

" After all, home is in the heart, I have a few 
weeks back tarried among similar scenes to those 
you mention in your letter ; but the charm, the 

novelty lasted but a week, and when M 

wrote to me, ' Come home, we are all alone,' I 
needed no second invitation, but flew to partake 
of the loneliness of home, 

" So I am convinced, for myself, wherever my 
heart is happiest — wherever its privileges are 
most enjoyed — wherever its communion with God 
is best sustained — there is the dearest spot on 
earth to me. You prefer the country as a field of 
moral action. Now it appears to me, unless you 
are a public character, and can act upon a large 
scale, your field is limited — peculiarly so in the 
country. You are obliged to wait for occasions- 
fox opportunities to do good, and have but little 
chance, compared with those who live in a city, 
to be in season, out of season, always abounding itx 



40 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

the work of the Lord. Perhaps I may be mis- 
taken ; and our labors, our success, our usefulness 
may entirely depend upon the fervor of our efforts, 
and the degree of missionary spirit we possess. 
At any rate, my dear friend, let us resolve to strive 
to act according to our heavy responsibilities ; for, 
because we have had much given us, much will 
be required. . . . . 

" Yours, sincerely and respectfully, 

"Susan Knight:" 

5 EXTRACTS FROM HER JOURNAL, 

"New- York, July, 1839. My soul is strangely 
exercised. Surely I have lost ground. Why 
this dragging in the performance of duty ? Why 
have I so little access in prayer ? Where is my 
love, my activity, my zeal ? I feel a degree of 
stupidity that I have not felt for many months. O 
God, forbid that I should yield to it, or feel at ease 
when thou art so far from me ! I try to examine 
myself: Have I willfully neglected a known duty, 
or have I in anything willfully acted contrary to 
the dictates of God's Spirit ? Though for a week 
I have scarcely been blessed with one comforting 
view of my union with Christ, I think I can say 
I have strove continually, notwithstanding, to 
walk, not by feeling, but by faith, and to lean upon 
the merits of my Saviour in the weak and feeble 
discharge of my duty. 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 41 

" I think I am tempted again to love the world, 
which I had so decidedly given up. All the ex- 
ercises of religion appear difficult. I think I 
have given way in a measure to the idea — ' 1 
might enjoy religion a little while, as I see a great 
many professors do ; that is, take a little rest, and 
give flesh for a season a relief from spiritual la- 
bors, and continued self-denials.' 

" Can it be possible ? I am frightened at what 
I have written ; and yet it must be so. When I 
was just now kneeling, and pouring out my tears 
at the throne of grace, I was led to see that I 
must choose afresh whom I would serve. Shoidd 
I listen to the world when it says, 'All these will 
I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship 
me V or would I pursue the narrow path that 
leads to heaven, even should there be lions in the 
way — crosses, labors, tribulations, to await me at 
every step ? 

" And here I am, without comfort, apparently 
influenced by nothing but my own weak nature. 
Has God left me in this struggle ? Has He, whom 
I feel in my heart to love and adore, permitted 
me to be tried and overcome ? He has never dealt 
with me thus, and I will strive to conquer and to 
endure, as seeing Him who is invisible." 

" I have been to the throne of grace, and my 
soul is relieved. Truly, sorrow endureth but for 



42 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

a night, and joy cometh in the morning. I have 
been confessing my sins; offering myself afresh 
to do and suffer the will of my heavenly Father ; 
and I feel again the comforts of his presence — 
the assurance that I shall live by faith. And if 
such a worm as I can show forth his praise, here 
am I ; do with me as it seemeth good in thy sight. 

that I may never again be ashamed or afraid to 
acknowledge myself a close self-denying follower 
of the meek and lowly Jesus ! 

" July 20th. This day I have been fasting ; and 
while the rest have been nourishing their bodies, 

1 have been in secret, looking and waiting upon 
Jesus, who has given me bread to eat that the 
world knows nothing of. Thus may I be encou- 
raged to keep my fast days for the Lord, for I 
never fail to meet with peculiar blessings on these 
days, so set apart for God. 

" 21st. What can I say for God to-day ? It is 
this — He shows me that my comfort — my happi- 
ness, must spring and continue only by nearness 
to him. 

" In vain the bright, the burning sun 
Scatters his feeble light ; 
'Tis thy sweet beams create my noon — 
If thou depart, 'tis night. 

" I can find no satisfaction in surrounding ob- 
jects, in temporal blessings, if I miss the evidence 
that God's blessing abides constantly with me. But 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 43 

to live in the daily assurance that Christ is imputed 
unto us as our wisdom, our righteousness, our 
sanctification, our redemption — this is indeed a 
fount of happiness, for then we live simply by 
faith. This gives us victory over the world ; and 
this is the power by which we bring forth the 
fruits of the Spirit, and by which we are enabled 
to do good and to communicate" 

TO MR. W. C. 

" New-York, January 29, 1840. 
" We rejoice in your prospect of obtaining the 
accomplishment of your wishes. Continue to 
make us acquainted with your labors as they pro- 
gress. We earnestly pray that the Lord will 
make this new sphere of action a field of extensive 
usefulness, and one in which you may bring great 
glory to God. This, after all, dear brother, is the 
end for w r hich we live, is it not ? And our Sa- 
viour says, 4 If any man serve me, him will my 
Father honor.' O that you may be covered with 
the honor that cometh from above ! 

" Yours, sincerely, S. K." 

Parts of the letter from which the above is ex- 
tracted were written in a cheerful and even play- 
ful style, which she sometimes indulged in her 
most familiar letters. But a postscript to the same 
letter records a sad and sudden change in her 



44 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

feelings — another affliction, which is here given in 
her own words : — 

" Feb. 3d. — P. S. Brother, dear brother, how 
shall I fill out this letter, commenced so lighty, 
with the sorrowing tidings that I have to commu- 
nicate ? Last Wednesday my darling Harriet 
was well— was playing when I wrote the former 
part of this letter. I left my letter unfinished ; 
that night my Harriet was taken sick, with scarlet 
fever. She suffered one day and a night, and 
Friday morning at six o'clock I saw my greatest 
earthly treasure — my dearest comfort — a lifeless 
corpse ! 

" Yesterday we laid her in the cold grave. It 
was the sabbath day. My heart is sick with sor- 
row. I can write no particulars. I merely finish 
my letter by telling you the mournful tidings, and 
by asking your prayers. O what should I do if I 
had no religion now ! I have given her to God. 
I dare not murmur. But O, nature cannot die, 
although grace conquers." 

Thus have we seen Mrs. Knight pass through 
three afflictive bereavements, in the death of a 
husband, a sister, and a child, within a period of 
less than three years. The feelings of her heart 
were exceedingly tender; and these were trials 
well calculated to test the strength of her faith. 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 45 

and call up the sweet consolations of religion. 
And this is all revealed in her own closing words 
in the preceding postscript : " I dare not murmur — • 
grace conquers." 

Her mind was now more than ever consecrated to 
the cause of her Redeemer. She exhibited a more 
devotional and missionary spirit. She felt that she 
had given her child to the Lord, and a spirit of calm 
and beautiful resignation was exhibited in all her 
deportment. Her constant desire was to make 
herself useful — to do something for her Saviour; 
and the opportunity soon after offered of giving 
herself- — all that she could give — to the service of 
her Master. She became acquainted about this 
period with the Rev. Orin R. Howard, who was 
destined for the missionary school at Buenos 
Ayres, South America. The following letter to 
Mr. Howard before their marriage will be read 
with interest : — 

TO THE REV. O. R. HOWARD. 

" New-York, March 26th, 1840. 
" My Dear Brother, — I wonder if I cannot 
convey some of the feelings of my heart by wri- 
ting, which I cannot at all satisfactorily express 
in verbal communications. I don't believe you 
can give me credit for half the interest I really 
do feel in your spiritual welfare, because in my 
attempts at expression there is so much feeble- 



46 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

ness and deficiency. I speak to you of the love 
of Jesus— I glory in the victorious power of 
grace — I recommend at times, 'tis true, the ardent, 
unceasing pursuit after holiness ; but, I am cer- 
tain, the lack of a corresponding seriousness of 
action and of utterance with the sentiments I 
express would lead you, most assuredly, were 
you wholly untaught in the deep things of God, 
to imbibe views detrimental, rather than favorable, 
to that cause which, in the present exemplification, 
does so little for its followers. Now you know 
what I think of myself ; and yet I go to the Lord, 
and upon searching and examining closely the 
motives and intentions by which I am influenced, 
I find myself freely absolved from guilt or con- 
demnation ; and all I can do is to promise before 
the throne to make new and more untiring efforts 
to season all my conversation with grace, and to 
hallow all my associations by the remembrance 
that as a Christian I am to see God in everything, 
and everything in God. Dear brother, if you, 
who have so frequent opportunities of communing 
with, one professing holiness unto the Lord, will 
only be as lenient as our Master is, and will be- 
lieve that the intention to strive to act according 
to my profession is ever with me, even if the ex- 
terior at times lacks the becoming manifestation, 
I assure you I shall be very happy. We both 
love our Saviour. You know the extent of his 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 47 

power to save as well as I do ; only you do not 
at present appear to enjoy that continual momen- 
tary action of God upon the soul, and reaction 
of the soul upon God, which it is your privilege 
to do. You think that you cannot say as feeling- 
ly as you once did, f I have, in answer to prayer, 

" A patient, a victorious mind ; 
That life and all things casts behind, 

Springs forth obedient to thy call ; 
A heart that no desire can move ; 
But still to adore, believe, and love, 

My Lord, my life, my all !" ' 

" Well now, my dear brother, what are you going 
to do ? rest satisfied with anything short of full 
salvation ? Ah, no ! You surely realize — 

' In vain the bright, the burning sun 

Scatters his feeble light ; 
'Tis thy sweet beams create my noon — 

If thou withdraw, 'tis night.' 

" Your vocation, your calling is holy ; you en- 
joy the privilege of being an ambassador for God ; 
and if you will walk in the steps of one who 
boldly proclaimed, ' Ye are witnesses, and God 
also, how holily, and justly, and unblamably we 
behaved ourselves among you that believe ; as ye 
know how we exhorted, and comforted, and 
charged every one of you, as a father does his 
children, that ye would walk worthy of God, who 
hath called you unto his kingdom and glory if 



48 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD* 

you will take a new start, endeavor more inde- 
fatigably to follow his example, and walk in his 
steps, you will prove, ere long, that Christ's pre- 
cious gospel again is refreshing you, not only in 
word, not only in power, but in the Holy Ghost, 
and in much assurance. It appears to me here is 
an answer to the remark you made the other day. 
The question with me now is, What shall I do ? 
I know it is better to wear out than to rust out ; 
but God has no laborers to spare, and therefore 
he would not have you preach in season and out 
of season ; but, Orin, he would have you exhort, 
comfort, and charge, as a father does his children, 
all those who are witnesses of your holy, just, 
unblamable life, in season and out of season. 
Methinks I see already your crown gemmed with 
stars, won, not only through the exalted privileges 
and opportunities which pulpit ministrations be- 
stow, but through the quiet, unobtrusive personal 
effort which has God alone for its witness and 
rewarder. There is a goodly land before you — - 
a land flowing with milk and honey ; are you not 
well able to go up and possess it ? O how de- 
lightful it is to commence each new day, 6 offer- 
ing up all the thoughts of our hearts, all the words 
of our tongues, all the works of our hands, all 
our body, soul, and spirit, to be a holy sacrifice, 
acceptable unto God in Christ Jesus !' I feel 
that God has taught me how to do this; I have 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



49 



learnt thus far : I know that with much struggling 
I enjoy a low degree of sanctifying grace. Shall 
I ever see the day when my soul will be settled, 
confirmed, and established in holiness unto the 
Lord ? My constant prayer is, O may neither 
death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor 
powers, nor things present, nor things to come, 
nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, be 
able to separate me from the love of God which 
is in Christ Jesus our Lord ! And I know this is 
the language of your heart ; therefore, while we 
have the privilege of communion with each other, 
let us mutually strive to edify, admonish, and in- 
struct, Susan Knight." 

TO MR. W. C. 

" New-York, April 17, 1840. 

" Dear and Esteemed Friend, — Probably by 
this time you are commencing your preparations 
for departure to a distant sphere of action. You 
are no doubt engrossed by a multiplicity of cares, 
yet I cannot but believe that a communication of 
the welfare of your New-York friends will be 
gratifying to you 

" 1 have long been wanting to give more expli- 
cit accounts of the death of my own sweet Har- 
riet ; especially as I felt confident you could form 
no opinion of my loss from the few hasty words 

I dropped at the end of a letter which a day or 
4 



50 MEMOIR OF MRS, SUSAN HOWARD. 

two before was commenced with so much glee and 
light-heartedness. 

" No ! my dear friend, you can never have 
imagined what a vacancy has been created in our 
little circle by the sudden severance of this tie ; 
and had it not been from some very peculiar pro- 
vidential interpositions which I intend in this let- 
ter to communicate to you, I cannot but feel that 
my constitution would have received a shock not 
easily to recover from, although Christian resigna- 
tion might ever have said, 6 Not my will, but thine 
be done.' 

1 "I write with a full heart to-night. Reflections 
of a varied character rush upon my remembrance. 
My little loved one is present to my vision as she 
used to be, when the pet and cherished one of 
our domestic circle. These feelings occupy one 
portion of my heart. 

" Then again, when I realize that I am writing 

to , there is another tide of feeling. With 

his name is connected many comforting and 
many sorrowing associations. He spent the win- 
ter with us when a sister died; and none of us 
will ever forget the cheering influence he had 
upon our little circle. But I have not told you 
all that helped to make my heart full to-night 
while I write — I am writing to you my last letter 
as Susan Knight ! 

" Now you do not wonder, do you, my friend, 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 51 



that my heart is overcharged with its deep and 
varied emotions 1 It is true. One of God's min- 
isters, last November, saw fit to come to a reso- 
lution, that, by the permission of God, he would 
make an effort to win the heart and hand of your 
friend. 

" I felt when Harriet was taken from me, that it 
was all of the tender mercy of God, that there 
was permitted one to hover around my path who 
seemed to live for my happiness. I felt that the 
affection of this Christian minister was a savor 
of comfort and a solace to me in my hour of deep 
affliction. 

" I believe, notwithstanding my univorthiness, 
that a dispensation of the gospel is committed to 
me, and that the sphere of usefulness which is 
now marked out for me has been appointed by 
the Lord ; and therefore, with this view, I have 
not hesitated to listen to the counsel of my friend, 
and the approbation of my own heart, in promis- 
ing to become, at twelve o'clock to-morrow, the 
wife of the Rev. Orin Howard. 

####### 

"Permit me once more to sign myself 
" Your affectionate friend and sister in Christ 
Jesus, Susan Knight." 

On the 18th of April, Mr. Howard and Mrs. 
Knight were married, and made preparation to 



52 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



leave their native land. About two months before 
their departure, they took a short tour into Mas- 
sachusetts, during which the following letter was 
written : — ■ 

"Watertown, Mass., July 7th, 1840. 

"Dear Father and Mother, — I greet ye all 
w T ith a kiss. If I were with you in person, you 
should have more than my scanty imagination 
can furnish you with in this. My dearly beloved, 
you are all very happy, I trust, enjoying present 
favors, and anticipating future ones. May they 
be gilded by the sunshine of God's smiling coun- 
tenance ! Your Susan is happy and contented, 
also, while Providence showers upon her bless- 
ings deeply realized. New-England is a sweet 
place. If I did not fear your ridicule of my 
rhapsodies, I would certainly express myself very 
warmly, and in terms of great admiration, of all 
that I see here, and of so many with whom I have 
the pleasure of associating. 

" Perhaps I prize my present privileges the 
more from the realization that henceforth opportu- 
nities like this will be closed in to me. Indeed, 
you know not how I prize the pleasant and diver- 
sified scenes which a jaunt through these parts of 
New-England must present to every traveler. I 
think, Ah! how pleasant it will be to look back 
to this visit when I am far away, and my eye 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



53 



will in vain look for the green hills and the shady 
groves that were so attractive in t my own native 
land P Then I shall be refreshed, when weary of 
the vast and almost illimitable barren plain, by 
that sweet privilege, ever at hand, retrospection. 
My dearest H. and I will cull some flowers in 
this jaunt, which shall yield their fragrance in a 
desert land, if it indeed should be such to which 
the providence of God now calls us. 

" There is a lovely child here, between five 
and six years old, who reminds me of my own 
lost one. She is a beautiful, curly-headed little 
creature, and begins to love 'sister Howard.' 
Now she is up in my room, brushing and tangling 
my hair while I write. Last night she was my 
little sleepmate, and O how I pressed her to my 
heart during sleep, dreaming of my little Harriet ! 
but when I awoke and found it was another dear 
little creature, my heart felt deeply the disappoint- 
ment. .... 

" Believe me your own affectionate daughter 
and sister, Susan Howard," 



54 MEMOIR OF MRS, SUSAN HOWARD. 



CHAPTER XV. 

Diary — Departure of Mr. and Mrs. Howard for Buenos 
Ayres to engage in a missionary school — Farewell lines — 
Letters and journal written on the voyage — Arrival at 
Monte Video, S. A. — Favorable prospects on landing. 

EXTRACTS FROM HER DIARY. 

"Aug. 5th. My faith, my integrity, my perseve- 
rance have been severely tested since I last wrote. 
I have been in doubt and confusion. I looked at 
the right hand and at the left, and found that there 
was no such thing as running away from the cross. 
But we must bear the cross, endure the cross, and 
overcome its shame and fear. 

" O what a patient God I have ! How can I 
reconcile my life of conflicts with the profession 
of sanctification to God ! I am tempted as se- 
verely as if I had never entered into that rest 
where 

' Fear, and guilt, and sin expire, j 
Cast out by perfect love.' 

I have felt for the past week that I had not one 
fruit of the Spirit abiding in me. My heart seem- 
ed to be a cage of unclean birds. Every moment 
of the day I felt the lack of some Christian tem- 
per ; and so hateful — so odious I felt myself, and 
knew I must be in the sight of God, that life was 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 55 



a burden to me : and my heart was so heavy, so 
sick, that had it not been for this whisper, * Hope 
thou in God? I should have been utterly cast down. 
But the Spirit of the Lord has raised me up. He 
has again become the 1 health of my countenance 
and my God.' 

" Aug. 12th. This has been a week of triumph. 
I will strive to honor God, 6 that the communica- 
tion of my faith may become effectual, by acknow- 
ledging every good thing that is in me in Christ 
Jesus.' . It rests with much weight on my mind 
to-day, that a city that is set on a hill cannot be 
hid. My God has watered my soul richly. He 
has blessed me with an assurance of faith, so that 
I have for two years past been enabled to believe, 
that if we confess our sins, Jesus not only forgives ; 
but cleanses us from all unrighteousness. 

" It has been a great grief to me that I have 
walked in this light so unsteadily. I have been 
as a tottering child — running, walking, and stum- 
bling alternately. But this hope has sustained me 
in seasons of conflict and despondency — After ye 
have suffered awhile, he will settle, strengthen, 
establish you. 

"Aug. 13th. My heart does offer praise to God; 
and not only praise would I give, but, as my rea- 
sonable service, I would offer a living sacrifice. 
What encouragement has been given me to make 
every effort toward this point ! — - 



56 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

* That every act and thought may be 
Like my espousals, Lord, to thee.' 

I have sweetly realized since I last wrote, that as 
we measure to God, he measureth to us : that if 
we believe, we shall see the glory of God. And O ! 
how clearly I have walked in the enjoyment of 
this promise — 'If we walk in the light as he is in 
the light, we have fellowship one with another, 
and the blood of Jesus cleanseth from all sin.' 

"Aug. 17th, 1840. I have not written much 
since my marriage. God took my darling child 
to himself. He taught me to resign creature com- 
forts, and to say, Thy will be done. And then 
when my heart was subdued and sanctified by 
affliction, his compassion, his tenderness sent me 
another Isaac in the bestowal of my beloved hus- 
band. In the day of adversity I was led to con- 
sider : in the day of prosperity I have likewise 
rejoiced. But I find it necessary to rejoice with 
trembling, realizing so deeply, that if we lean on 
earth, ' 'twill pierce us to the heart.' This weak 
heart of mine passes through many struggles in 
endeavoring to sit loose from all below. I find it 
so true, — 

* The fondness of a creature's love, 

How strong it strikes the sense ; 
Thither the warm affections move, 
Nor can we call them thence.' 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD* 57 

" I have been in agony of soul at times when 
seeing the danger I was in of robbing God of his 
rights. He claims my undivided heart; and if 
aught interferes between him and me, it becomes 
an idol. If duties are sluggishly performed ; if 
privileges are less valued ; if the cross is shunned ; 
then I know it will take but a few steps more to 
dethrone God from his rightful place in the heart. 

" I have to mourn over lost time and misim- 
proved privileges : still I have never lost sight of 
that standard of Christian experience which God 
so graciously set before my eyes — even entire 
consecration to God and his service. These few 
weeks back my soul has been richly growing. I 
have been low down in the vale of humility. It 
has wrought in me, I trust, conformity to the will 
of God, and abasement has been the chastened 
forerunner of joyous exaltation. Yesterday I took 
fresh hold of the atoning blood, by faith : I pleaded 
and prevailed with my heavenly Father. I gave 
myself "to God. 

"I have a full assurance in my heart to-day 
that with what measure we mete, it shall be mea- 
sured unto us again. I unhesitatingly pledged 
myself to God, to be his and his only. I felt that 
I parted with all my pride, my slothful temper, 
my spirit of contradiction, and with the whole of 
self I this day experience His power to save to 
the uttermost. I have made a covenant with the 



58 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

triune God, and I feel that he is faithful in making 
me a partaker of his divine nature. Glory and 
honor to his name, who hath washed me by his 
precious blood ! O my Saviour, hear my prayer, 
and keep me by the moment, so that I shall not 
live, but Christ shall live in me ; and the life I do 
live shall be by faith in the Son of God. 

" Aug. 20th. The week has nearly passed, and 
I have rejoiced in everything. I have prayed in 
the spirit without ceasing, and my soul has un- 
ceasingly returned thanks. 

" Aug. 22d. This is Saturday eve. My soul is 
sweetly in tune. The path to glory grows brighter 
while I keep an uplifted eye. I am more and 
more in love with that charity which suffereth long 
and is kind ; that is not easily provoked ; that 
thinketh no evil ; that bears, believes, hopes, and 
endures all things. O may I commence the 
sabbath believing, loving, obeying, and enjoy- 
ing that rest which belongs only to the true be- 
liever ! 

" Sabbath day, Aug. 23d, 1840. Heavenly 
Father, I must rely upon thee as a little child. 
If cares distract, or pain afflict ; if comforts 
brighten, or if joys abound — in either case I am 
still dependent on thy sustaining arm; and if I 
lean confidently on thee for repose, thou wilt 
never, no, never leave nor forsake me. Blessed 
Saviour, 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 59 

1 In my hands no price I bring, 
Simply to thy cross I cling.' 

" Aug. 27th. And am I indeed called to be a 
missionary ? Am I sure that I count the cost ? Or 
do I count my life dear to me, and all the comforts 
of home ; and while viewing them, suffer at the 
thought of separation ? Is it not the privilege of 
a sanctified heart to part with all these with glad- 
ness for Jesus' sake ? I have felt, all along, before 
receiving this last refreshing shower of grace, 
that my will chose to obey God, but I sometimes 
feared I could not survive the separation from 
those I so tenderly loved. But since I have re- 
ceived a new spirit of consecration to God's ser- 
vice, I am led more to contemplate the sufficiency 
of the grace of God, and to feel that I shall be 
able fully to part with even these precious com- 
forts, and forsake father and mother, sisters and 
brothers, home, friends, and country, losing sight 
of my affliction in the joyful spirit of sacrifice, and 
borne up by the consciousness that I do it for my 
Master's sake. 

" Sabbath, August 30th. What a delightful 
rest I daily enjoy ! If my experience were always 
like this, methinks I should be raised above labor- 
ing. My enemy seems to be chained for a season. 
I believe the Lord has brought me into this quiet 
retreat — this shady arbor of his love, to give me a 
foretaste of the rest that remains for the people of God. 



60 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

" September 9th, 1840. My path, is a checkered 
one, made up of smiles and tears. But I might 
know that a life of sacrifice implies this ; and when 
suffering comes, I ought to be better prepared for 
it. But alas ! I still find that shrinking flesh com- 
plains and murmurs. What language for a Chris- 
tian ! O ! I am humbled in the dust when I dis- 
cover murmurings and disobedience struggling for 
sway in my heart, over the meek and quiet spirit 
of submission ! What a conflict I have had after 
a week's rest I My poor heart was sorely tried. 
Strange suggestions and fears filled my mind ; 
and instead of looking to God, I yielded to these 
fears ; and such a dark picture of the future was 
spread before me, that my soul was really har- 
rowed, and I felt that I could almost take back my 
covenant vow, — that henceforth my life should be 
a life of sacrifice. What, thought I, is this the 
picture of such a life- — one continued scene of 
suffering ? Can I go up and face the trials, the 
afflictions thus spread out on the long vista before 
me ? No, I fear I cannot endure it. I shrink — 
I cannot venture. I felt that to go to Buenos 
Ayres was like being willing to be bound with 
St Paul at Jerusalem ; yea, or to suffer death. I 
mourned and wept because of my fears. O would 
that I could love the cross ! was the cry of my 
heart. 

" Sept. 23d. I feel that I am come out of the 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 61 

wilderness, leaning upon my Beloved. In view 
of my departure from my native land, I have suf- 
fered these two weeks past what I can never de- 
scribe. Home and its joys seemed passing lovely. 
My loved ones ! O how my heart has been torn 
with the prospect of a long — long separation !" 

On the 28th of September, 1840, Mr. and Mrs. 
Howard left New- York for Buenos Ayres, to en- 
gage in missionary labor. The foregoing letters 
prove the strength and ardency of her affection 
for her parents and sisters : yet love for her Sa- 
viour could lead her to make the painful sacrifice 
of leaving these and all other friends that clustered 
round her in her native home, as she trusted, for 
ever. 

The following lines, in her hand-writing, were 
left behind : — 

FAREWELL. 

Farewell, mother ! Jesus calls me 

Far away from home and thee ; 
Earthly love no more inthralls me, 

When a bleeding cross I see. 
Farewell, mother ! do not pain me 

By thine agonizing wo ; 
Those fond arms cannot detain me, 

Dearest mother ! I must go. 

Farewell, father ! O how tender 
Are the chords that bind me here ! 

Jesus, help me to surrender 
Those I love without a tear. 



62 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

No, my Saviour ! wert thou tearless 

Leaning o'er the buried dead ? 
At this hour, so sad and cheerless, 

Shall not burning tears be shed ? 

Farewell, sister ! do not press me 

To thy young and throbbing heart ; 
O no longer now distress me, — 

Sister, sister, we must part. 
Farewell, pale and silent brother ! 

How I grieve to pain thee so ; 
Father, mother, sister, brother, 

Jesus calls ! O let me go ! 

The following is her first letter on leaving 
home. How touchingly beautiful is its language 
and spirit ! 

TO HER MOTHER. 

"On board the 'Nelson Clark/ three o'clock, Sept. 
28th, 1840. 

" My own Dear, Beloved Mother, — Here I 
am on deck, enjoying the presence of husband and 
brother Thomas. They are dear— very dear. I 
watched the boat that bore the loved away — even 
the best of fathers, and brothers, and sisters. My 
heart beat when, for the last time, we gave the 
parting farewell. But I remembered your prayer 
this morning, and by degrees regained quiet and 
joy of soul. 

" O how good God is ! Cannot I, for the sake 
of Jesus, make a sacrifice of aWthat I count gain? 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



63 



He will dwell in me, and darkness shall flee away 
before his presence. 

" Our circumstances are pleasanter, by far, than 
I had anticipated. No doubt after two or three 
days we shall have excellent appetites. How 
pleasant it is to see brother Thomas moving around 
here ! I feared I should not see him again. Not 
yet am I afloat ; for he is the last link that binds 
me to the family, and when I bid good by to him, 
my husband will help me to let you all go, while 
we attend to the duties devolving on us, and en- 
gage wholly in the service of the Lord. 

" I have in expectation a life of sacrifice ; but 
there is such a rich compensation in doing any- 
thing for the Lord, that my heart shrinks not from 
whatever he calls me to. So be happy, mother, 
on my account, and be useful, if you want to be 
happy, on your own account. Work for the Lord, 
and you will be led into green pastures. Good 
by, dearest. Susan." 

The following lines, in her own hand, were left 
at the time of her departure, for her brother and 
sister* Mr. and Mrs. B. : — 

Yes, my native land, I love thee : 
All thy scenes, I love thee well: 

Friends, connections, happy country, — 
Can I bid you all farewell ? 

Can I leave you, 
Far in stranger lands to dwell ? 



64 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



Home ! thy joys are passing lovely, 

Joys no stranger heart can tell ; 
Happy home ! 'tis sure I love thee, 

Can I — can I say farewell ? 
Can I leave you, 

Far in moral wastes to dwell ? 

Scenes of sacred peace and pleasure, 

Holy days, and sabbath bell; 
Richest, brightest, sweetest treasure, 

Can I say a last farewell ? 
Can Heave you ? 

Yes ! I hasten from you gladly, 
From the scenes I love so well ; 

Far away, ye billows, bear me, 
Lovely native land, farewell ! 

In the deserts let me labor, 

On the mountains let me tell 
How he died, the blessed Saviour, 

To redeem a world from hell. 
Let me hasten, 

Then, in distant lands to dwell. 

Bear me on, thou restless ocean ; 

Let the w T inds my canvass swell ; 
Heaves my heart with warm emotion, 

While I go far hence to dwell. 
Glad I bid thee 

Native land, farewell ! farewell ! 

LETTERS AND JOURNAL, WRITTEN DURING HER 
PASSAGE TO BUENOS AYRES. 

" Tuesday, October 5th, 1840. 
"My Beloved Parents,— It is just a week 
to-day since I parted from yon. I might have 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 65 

commenced writing a little earlier, but have not 
hurried myself, as my health admonished me to 
take all things easy. I will be very minute, and 
omit nothing that I think will interest you, or even 
cause you the least anxiety. 

" What I write must be a kind of diary while 
on board the ' Nelson Clark,' and thus you will be 
made acquainted with our different circumstances 
as they occur. 

" When dear Thomas, my well-beloved brother, 
left me, I cannot tell you how differently I realized 
that I had forsaken you all for Christ. I missed 
the last face of my kindred, that beamed so kindly 
on me, when I went down into the cabin, or walk- 
ed on deck. Thomas had disappeared from our 
company. I watched him in the small boat that 
bore him swiftly from me, until he gained the 
pilot's vessel in the distance. Then I fancied I 
saw an accession of moving figures, and tried to 
imagine that Thomas stood on the side deck waving 
his handkerchief. The vessel then hastened to- 
ward its destination ! and I dried my eyes and 
went to prayer. 

" O how sweetly I realized that the Lord loves a 
cheerful giver ! I was unspeakably happy in the 
midst of my sorrow, and caught myself exclaim- 
ing, again and again, 4 / have given them to the 
Lord, and now he comforts me with tokens of his 

approbation.' And besides this, I found myself 

5 



66 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD, 



thrown almost as if by a new tie on the tenderness 
and love of my husband ; and my heart was re- 
freshed and invigorated by his redoubled assiduity 
and devotion. 

" About eleven o'clock brother D and other 

of the passengers manifested symptoms of sea 
sickness ; and I too soon after was entered on the 
sick list. O mother ! mother ! such horrid sick- 
ness I never conceived of before. The dinner 
and tea bells rung, as if in mockery. But the 
hours of sleep brought some refreshment ; because 
some kind hand bade the waves to roll gently on 
while darkness lasted, and thereby our vessel 
glided smoothly on the bosom of the ocean. We 
can guess whose hand tempereth the wind. 

" Saturday eve we spent enjoying each other's 
society, admiring the glorious expanse above and 
around, lit up as it was by the rays of a new moon. 
Our emotions were indescribable. O how delight- 
ful it is to join together and sing songs of praise 
to the Lord — to him who has thus far brought us 
on our way ! 

" Sabbath morn came. We noticed that silence, 
comparatively, reigned throughout the vessel, and 
the captain informed us that no work should be 
done but what was absolutely necessary. One by 
one we saw the sailors appear in their Sunday 
garb, and all around gave evidence that we kept 
holy day. About nine o'clock we commenced a 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 67 

prayer meeting among ourselves, and God's pre- 
sence was evidently with us. The day was con- 
secrated thus, as our missionaries were not yet 
strong enough to preach. 

" Our minutes drag not heavily, but each suc- 
ceeding day we become more accustomed to our 
situation, and more reconciled. 

" October 21st. Three weeks yesterday, my 
beloved parents, since I saw your dear, dear faces. 
I greet you this morning most heartily and affec- 
tionately. It is two weeks ago since I commenced 
this letter. I could hardly summon up courage to 
write since. How have I longed to get my pen, 
and tell you all once more how dearly I love you ! 

" Yesterday, at dinner, sister J. betrayed consi- 
derable emotion when reverting to the scenes she 
had left, and speaking of those who were dear to 
her. She, brother D., and I were alone at the 
table. He tried to comfort her, and urged her to 
try to love the friends she was now tabernacling 
with, and thus, in a measure, fill up the blanks 
which she seemed so sensibly to realize. Ah ! 
she could not sincerely say, that present loved 
ones could remove the pains which absence from 
others still more precious had already planted in 
her bosom. I told them that I should have left 
my heart behind me too, if I had not brought my 
husband with me. So I could enter into her feel- 
ings. ' I have a good crying spell every once in 



68 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

awhile,' said I, ' my heart becomes relieved, and 
then I feel better.' Brother D. was glad it was 
c a good crying spell !' 

"I love Mrs. J. She has been a sufferer — pass- 
ed through many deep waters ; and we have much 
profitable and congenial communion. 

" You know we thought, mother and father, that 
our taking so many private stores with us might 
prove superfluous. Sister J. came on board most 
bountifully provided, and we have derived not a 
little pleasure exchanging our sweet things. O, 
many thanks to you, dear mother, for preparing 
the luxury of bottled milk so nicely. How excel- 
lent our cup of cocoa is at breakfast with milk 
from home in it ! 

" October 29th. We were all delighted a few 
days since with a sight of several dolphins, which 
were frisking around our vessel during the calm. 
They presented a beautiful sight : were of a light 
blue color on the back, and underneath sparkled a 
beautiful lining. For some time our officers and 
men amused themselves trying to catch one. It 
was quite exciting, I assure you, as so little oc- 
curred to vary our recreations. Well, finally the 
attempt succeeded ; the black cook caught one 
while we were at dinner, which in a moment was 
deserted, to get a nearer view of the object that 
shone so resplendently in the water. But the 
bleeding dolphin, stretched on the deck, was no 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 69 

longer an object of admiration. It was shorn of 
its beauty. I really was disappointed in its ap- 
pearance, when, after just giving it a glance, I 
returned to the dinner table. There were a few 
sighs sent forth for its melancholy fate by us ten- 
der-hearted women, and not much more was heard 
about it that afternoon. When we sat down to 
tea, however, we beheld a new dish served up : 
and lo ! it was fresh fish — our poor dolphin ! Upon 
partaking thereof, we found it a most delicious 
relish. It almost sent me home to our own table 
in the spring, when fresh shad becomes one of the 
dainties of the season. 

"So far we have had an unusually quiet time. 
Sometimes, while contemplating the apparent 
safety and convenience of a dreaded sea voyage, 
I find myself exclaiming, ' Well, I believe mother 
is destined to be a great traveler yet, and will even 
dare sea sickness, by taking a jaunt by water after 
a few years to see her absent Susy.' 

" However, we have been sailing only in smooth 
waters yet. Perhaps before we finish our voyage 
we may see some new developments of the ocean, 
for it is a fickle thing. I know that though in 
repose she is meek and beautiful, yet, during the 
war of elements, she could soon founder our little 
bark, and engulf us in her fury. Truly, 

' God plants his footsteps in the sea, 
And rides upon the storm.' 



70 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



" Twelve o'clock has come. At one we dine. 
This hour I reserve for retirement. God meets 
with me, and reveals himself as a God of love. 
Farewell. Your own Susan." 

" I have just now heard the cry, 6 A sail ! 9 How 
my heart beats ! We see her in the distance : ay, 
we approach her too ! She is probably bound to 
America. Be still, my heart, — be not too san- 
guine ! But O, what feelings inspire me ! I may 
send a package home ! For many days we have 
witnessed naught but the firmament above, and 
the deep blue sea around and beneath us : and the 
cry of 1 Sail, ho !' sends a thrill to our bosoms. 

" I sit and write, as it were, with one eye on 
my paper, and the other on the distant speck, 
which grows in the horizon. They are gazing 
intently on it with their glasses, but as yet cannot 
distinguish her colors. O how it would shorten 
our voyage, could I drop a letter on board ! How 
strange, that a little incident like this should pro- 
duce such a sensation with us all ! They say she 
nears us ; so I will fold my letters, direct, and 
seal them. Good by, mother. Make all allow- 
ance for affectionate farewells. 

" She is gone, mother ! 

and my nerves are all unstrung. I was writing 
good by as they cried, She comes. I ran out 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



71 



with palpitating heart, folding up and directing my 
three sheets, when a strange voice, answered our 
mate that the ship was from Hamburgh, bound for 
the West Indies ! and away she flew over the 
wide waters. I looked down upon my large packet 
— hid it under my apron — watched the receding 
vessel, and then sat me down and wept in disap- 
pointment and loneliness. It was cheering to 
behold other human beings besides ourselves, ca- 
reering in the dignity of their own solitude over 
this immeasurable expanse of ocean. I shall not 
forget the thrill of that moment : but it passed, and 
then I thought, We are alone again ! 

" Friday, Oct. 30th, 1840. Good morning to all 
my beloved ones. You would smile, I know, dear 
mother, at some parts of our history aboard ship. 
One of the greatest inconveniences we have is 
our limited means of taking exercise. When we 
take a notion to walk, we find our perambulations 
quite circumscribed. To remedy this difficulty, 
we have resorted to the amusing exercise of jump- 
ing the rope, which we find very beneficial to our 
health. Another of our employments is assisting 
the sailors at the pumps, which they find neces- 
sary to use two or three times a day. We are not 
so expert at this, of course, but it is better exer- 
cise : and indeed, if any great storm should come, 
who knows but that they might call in requisition 



72 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

the recreations of us weak women, as useful aid 
in a time of need. But you would laugh to see 
us performing such herculean labor. 

" Nov. 4th. We have left the ' N. E. Trades' 
behind us, and truly do we experience now that 
we have entered upon variable winds. We are 
about four degrees from the equator, and will pro- 
bably cross the line in two or three days, 
v " We do not experience the heat as expected, 
and no change of clothing has been necessary. 
We can always find a shade to retreat to, and so 
far we have not missed the refreshment of the 
genial sea breezes. 

" On sabbath morning we again heard the wel- 
come cry of ' Sail ahead !' Since my former dis- 
appointment we have met with vessels every two 
or three days, and although always objects of 
interest, they cease to be so exciting as when we 
had been so many days in loneliness upon the 
ocean. 

" Nov. 12th. A full week since I have written. 
And can you guess where we are by this time ? 
If fair winds accompany us, we may reach the end 
of our voyage in a week. However, we are de- 
termined not to be sanguine. If we should yet be 
two weeks on the ocean, not one word of regret 
or disappointment should we dare to express : for 
such a voyage I never conceived of, for ease, 
safety, and opportunities for improvement, intel- 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 73 

lectually and spiritually. O what blessings we 
have enjoyed thus far ! It has been very gratify- 
ing to us to hear the captain say again and again, 
* Of all the voyages I ever made on this route, I 
never had one equal to this.' And again the sail- 
ors exclaim, 6 We never met with such a season 
in crossing the ocean.' And my own heart and 
those of our little missionary company exclaim, 
'Ah! perhaps there never was a voyage when 
there went forth more fervent and more faithful 
prayer? God's goodness, his signal tenderness, 
have fallen upon us, refreshing like the' 4 dews 
of Hermon.' This consideration is almost 
overpowering to me. Indeed, it makes me al- 
most an infant. Why, my dear parents, it is 
the weight%oi love that has been lavished upon 
us. O that I had an adequate weight of gratitude 
to return ! 

" Are you not glad that I am happy — contented ? 
Surely this will ease your hearts. And I will add, 
that my health is excellent. I have left you, 'tis 
true. I shed some tears, now and then, when I 
remember all your care and faithful love. But 
God has given me a beloved companion ; and he 
makes my hours of happiness, as well as soothes 
my moments of sorrow. And while we feel, fa- 
ther and mother, that we are devoting ourselves 
to this separation — this life of sacrifice — -for our 
Master's sake, do not dare to grieve ; but continue 



74 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

cheerfully to pray for our success, and you will 
add to my happiness, and be rewarded in your 
own bosoms. Again, good by." 

TO MRS. B. 

" Sabbath. 

" My own Sister Jane, — My elder sister, in 
whose name are treasured such sweet remem- 
brances, shall I dedicate this sheet to you 1 Will 
you have the history of this sabbath day, with all 
its joys and regrets ? Shall I unburden my heart, 
and pour out its gushing emotions, as if I were 
still by thy side, and were privileged with thy lis- 
tening ear ? Yes, I will ; for it will recall those 
seasons when we walked by the way, or else were 
seated calmly at our employments, and talked to- 
gether, like the two disciples at Emmaus, of the 
marvelous love of Jesus, and all the works that he 
had done. How our hearts burned within us, 
dearest, at the mention of his great name ! Some- 
times, too, we sought, directly, richer communica- 
tions, by retiring to our closet, bending the knee, 
and addressing the throne in prayer. 

" It is four weeks ago, my sister, since you and 
I so victoriously pleaded in private. I feel the 
unction that was then received, even at this hour. 
Thou hast prayed for me to-day,— surely thou hast. 
Neither from thy heart alone has a petition gone up 
for Susan. Though I am retired from you all, full 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 75 

well I know a mother's tongue has been engaged in 
the same kindly office. She remembers the wan- 
derer on the deep. It is an unspeakable bliss to 
know that absence is thus deprived of one of its 
trials. No distance can be so great as to throw 
an obstacle in the way of our meeting at one com- 
mon altar. When I retire to my lower cabin, at 
my usual hour for closet devotion ; when I draw 
the curtain that shuts not out the dashing of the 
waves, and the noise of the reckless, light-hearted, 
and buoyant sailors, — yet here I can say, 

1 Far from my thoughts vain world be gone, 
Let my religions hours alone.' 

And when I lift up the tearful eye, the trembling 
voice 9 and pray for my father, my mother, sisters, 
and brothers, I feel that I have you all around me, 
and am almost enjoying your dear society. 

" I arose this morning in a devotional frame of 
mind, and wondered whether it w r ould prove truly 
a day of rest ; — remembered that we had a duty to 
perform after breakfast, and felt solicitous that it 
might not be a cross. Had some apprehension 
lest I might come short of glorifying God by my 
feeble attempts. 

" After breakfast our little band met on the up- 
per deck for our prayer meeting— the ordinary 
exercise which distinguishes our sabbath days. 
We read the blessed word — we sung — we prayed, 



76 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

When called upon to unite with our brethren, my 
heart replied, £ Lord, I am thine, and this is my 
reasonable service. I will embrace the opportu- 
nity of using the little that thou hast given me. 
If I am faithful with what is already given, I have 
the promise that there shall be an addition to my 
store.' With this feeling I united in ascribing 
honor and praise to God. 

" The officers of our vessel generally listen to 
our devotions, without making a part of the meet- 
ing. A woman lifting up the voice of supplication 
is perhaps to them a novel occurrence. But I 
think they do not look on with indifference ; be- 
cause they hear fervent and sincere prayers, if not 
eloquent ones, for their salvation and deliverance 
from sin. They breathe an atmosphere of prayer ; 
for we, our little missionary company, are striving 
daily, and trust to have our conversation in heaven. 

" This is the sixth sabbath we have spent on 
board the £ Nelson Clark.' It has brought with it, 
as usual, sweet and gracious tokens of a Saviour's 
love ; and we have realized as fully that it is a 
hallowed day, as if we were worshiping in the 
sacred courts — in the tabernacles for divine wor- 
ship. God makes every place of his presence 
glorious. He is not limited to temples made with 
hands : but here, on the broad ocean, does the 
Divinity reside. He makes faithful hearts his 
dwelling place ; and I rejoice, dear Jane, that he 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 77 

dwells even in my heart. What but this cheering 
assurance could thus gild my pathway with an 
ever-during, immortal sunshine ! 

' Thy gift, alas ! cannot suffice, 
Unless thyself be given; 
Thy presence makes my paradise, 
And where Thou art 'tis heaven.' 

" You will rejoice with me, dearest Jane, when 
I tell you that our officers and crew pay the ut- 
most respect to our religious exercises. I really 
feel hope and a strong faith that it will not be 
evanescent and short-lived. 

" Our captain has a pious mother. He told me 
that he was the child of many prayers ; that he 
had long felt he was not worshiping his Maker as 
he ought ; and he asked me if any one might ob- 
tain religion if he sought it. I answered his doubts 
as well as I was able — offered a Saviour — set life 
and death before him, and then left him convicted, 
I think, of his heavy responsibilities. 

" Jane, it is comforting to a Christian to be able 
to realize that he has delivered.his own soul from 
the blood of others ! I cannot tell you how soon I 
am brought into condemnation if I neglect an op- 
portunity of winning a soul by direct, personal, 
private conversation. This is the way that God 
calls me to work. O that I may be faithful in my 
department of missionary labor ! Our other mis- 
sionaries have their peculiar duties devolving upon 



78 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

them. They work in a large field : public respon- 
sibilities are resting upon them. O pray for us ! 
Pray much that each of us, in the day of his com- 
ing, may say, 

1 — I have fought my way through ; 

I have finish'd the work thou didst give me to do/ 

" Tell mother that the mate, to whom she spoke 
about swearing, has spoken to me several times 
about it. He says, 4 1 guess your mother is a very 
pious woman.' Besides mother's entreaty, the 
gentleman who owns the vessel made particular 
request of the officers that they would, if possible, 
restrain all swearing aboard during our voyage. 
Well, nearly five weeks have gone by, and the 
language of blasphemy has not, with but one ex- 
ception, fallen upon our ears. 

" It is sabbath afternoon, and the mate is sitting 
at the same table reading the Bible. 

" I must now close this sheet. Adieu." 

TO HER SISTER, MRS. MARY S. 

" November 17th, 1840. 
" My Dear Mary, and my Dear Brother 
Granby,* — Inclination leads me this morning 
to converse a little with you ; you who have 
so long been associated with all the kindly, 
tender influences of home. I cannot but sigh at 
times that I have no fire-side to visit ; that there 
* Rev. Mr. S. 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 79 

is not a little bright domestic hearth around which 
my fancy and my affections may linger. Murray 
Hill exists now only in memory. I do not ven- 
ture to paint any pleasant scenes as now transpir- 
ing there ; for mother is gone, and brothers are 
gone, and you too may be gone. O that I could 
realize how and where you are ! But I can fancy 
you living, and both living for the glory of God, I 
trust, and that is all I can do. Perhaps you have 
become settled in some delightful rural retreat, 
far from the city's noise, are building up the cause 
of Christ, and living in the hearts of sincere and 
devoted parishioners. I would that it were so, 
could your usefulness and happiness be thus pro- 
moted. 

"I am sick this morning. The waves are roll- 
ing high. Our vessel is tossing and pitching at 
such a rate, that it is with great effort I hold my 
head up. But I take courage. I have a hope of 
going, with the rest of our dear missionary family, 
to church next sabbath. This revives my spirits. 
Only eight hundred miles more ! Good by now. 

" Nov. 22. Sabbath afternoon. I did not find 
it convenient, dear Mary and Granby, to go to 
church this morning, as I expected. The reason 
is, we are still one hundred and fifty miles from 
terra firma ! But I am not disappointed. It is 
true, I felt rather elated last Monday, when first I 
expected soon to be on shore again ; and thought 



80 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



it possible, after coming seven thousand miles, 
that we could leap over the remaining only seven 
or eight hundred in any time. And so, as I found 
every hour only brought the same regular plodding 
pace, I was obliged to rein in my impatience, and 
look at eight hundred miles as a sober matter of 
fact. We have had head winds and calms, and 
have been driven eastward when we should be 
going westward. And here it is Sunday, and no 
land visible yet : but all's well ! 

* Even vessels may palaces prove, 
If Jesus doth dwell with us there.' 

It is the Lord who makes it pleasant. 

" I cannot tell you, my dear brother and sister, 
how much I prize intimate communion with God 
here on the ocean. How I rejoice that he has 
led me to make an entire consecration of all my 
being, my whole self, to him ! I can truly say, — 

' Master, I own thy lawful claim, 

Thine, wholly thine, resolved to be.' 

I feel more and more awake to the honor that is 
conferred upon me, of being called to make this 
sacrifice for God — that of journeying in a strange 
land, to assist in rearing the banner of the Lord. 
And here I must give this testimony : Even if I 
should die before having an opportunity to be use- 
ful, I feel that through the goodness of God nothing 
would be lost ; for I am confident this voyage, 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 81 

this separation has made me a more humble Chris- 
tian — a more spiritual one ; and therefore I feel 
that I should enjoy heaven now, and be better pre- 
pared for its higher felicities than when I left 
home. 

" Nov. 24th. This morning my heart was thrill- 
ed with the cry of ' Land, ho !' I went out from 
the breakfast table with the rest, and with deep 
emotion strained my eyes to catch the rapturous 
vision. I saw a range of seeming gray clouds 
along the horizon, and I was so foolish as to weep 
away the first emotions, and then returned to my 
breakfast. But still my heart was choking. By 
and by we had family devotion ; and afterward, 
upon going out of the cabin, our 6 land' had floated 
away with a few other clouds. It was an illusion. 
They told me it is an easy matter to be deceived 
by such appearances : yet the land could not be 
far distant, and we might see it in an hour or two. 
So, with a good heart we bore our disappoint- 
ment, and at eleven o'clock the cry again saluted 
our ears. I was lying in my berth, still troubled 
by occasional sickness ; but I lay stilly and even 
took a quiet nap. When I awoke I could dis- 
tinguish a small dark point in the distance ; 
but still it was so distinct in shape and feature, 
that I knew it must be something more than gray 
clouds. 

"It is now five o'clock, and we are fast ap- 
6 



82 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



proaching land ! It is called Maldonado, and we 
are yet about sixty miles from Monte Video. 

" Methinks I shall never hesitate to take a sea 
voyage hereafter. I have enjoyed myself so much, 
and have come so far short of realizing my dread- 
ed anticipations of danger ; and then such kind, 
worthy officers, and good-natured crew have been 
our associates, that I believe I shall have another 
crying spell when I come to take my adieu of the 
place which has been such a pleasant home to me. 
Nevertheless, with joy will I welcome the blue 
hills before me ! Adieu." 

TO MR. N. W. B. 

" Monte Video Harbor, Nov. 25th, 1840. 
" Dear N. — Here we are ! O what exciting 
scenes ! At twelve o'clock last night Mr. Howard 
called me up to view the city, and I could almost 
imagine myself back in dear New-York Bay again, 
to see the distant spires and dwellings risings 
above each other, and public buildings distinguish- 
able even in the darkness of night ; and what added 
most to the effect was, the innumerable lights of 
the city sparkling in the distance. Our vessel 
anchored about three miles from the city, and then 
we retired to sleep till early dawn, at which time 
we arose and attired ourselves once more in our 
holyday suits, prepared to land. 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 83 

ts Coming on deck, we had not only a fine view 
of the city of Monte Video, and the rising hills in 
the distance, but what to lis appeared singular, a 
long line of French frigates and men-of-war, all 
turned from port, apparently bound to sea. Bright 
anticipations assured us, what afterward proved to 
be true, that the blockade of Buenos Ayres was 
removed. A boat from an American man-of-war 
boarded us to receive dispatches. They informed 
us that the French fleet were returning to France. 
O what joyful tidings, and coincidence too, that 
the blockade should be raised the very day of our 
arrival ! We have been just fifty-five days, and 
aU well. Good by." 

TO HER PARENTS* 

" Monte Video, Dec. 8th, 1840. 

" My Beloved Parents, — I have already writ- 
ten several letters, which will convey to you the 
particulars of the new scenes which I have passed 
through since I left my home and dearly beloved 
ones. We remained on board three or four days 
after our arrival, in expectation of receiving com- 
mands from the owners, and then accepted brother 
Norris's invitation (our missionary at Monte Video) 
to stay at his house awhile. 

" This is the sabbath, and just a week since I 
planted my feet upon hallowed missionary ground, 



84 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

My first act was an inward consecration to the 
Being who had thus called me to a life of sacri- 
fice, and brought me thus far on my way. 

" At eleven o'clock the congregation assembled 
at brother Norris's own house for public worship. 
He has two large rooms which are occupied for 
that purpose, until the erection of a church, which 
is already in contemplation. I confess I expected 
to see a few poor, hungry Christian souls, sitting 
under the ministry of the word, in company with 
some of the lower classes of the population : but 
what was my surprise to behold an assembly vying 
in respectability with the first of our New- York 
congregations. I could not have been more sur- 
prised had I seen Trinity church transplanted to 
this foreign, unchristian country. 

" There is no Protestant church in Monte Video 
except the small charge over which brother Nor- 
ris presides, and I find that most of the respectable 
class of foreigners, of all denominations, hasten 
on the sabbath and mingle in the devotional exer- 
cises as administered here. 

" To-day we have received letters to proceed 
to-morrow on our way to Buenos Ayres. We 
have found very polite and agreeable society here. 
The missionary is loved, and all have received 
the kindest attention. I am glad to notice that 
deep piety of heart is not necessarily bound to the 
form of coarseness of manners. It is certainly 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 85 

not necessary for one who would honor his pro- 
fession in the midst of the world to become cold 
and repulsive to make religion shine, and grace to 
be acknowledged. How earnestly I pray for di- 
vine influence, that I may honor God, and be in- 
strumental in winning souls. Farewell." 



CHAPTER V. 

Letters— Arrival at Buenos Ayres — First impressions — - 
Extracts from ber letters — Unfavorable prospects of the 
mission school — Failure of her health — Serious exercises 
of mind — Birth of a daughter — Letters and diary. 

TO HER BROTHER T. 

"Buenos Ayres, Dec. 19, 1840. 
"My Well-beloved Brother, — I have re- 
served this sheet to complete the account of my voy- 
age and settlement in the land of my destination. 
Well do I remember the kind speech that dropped 
from your lips just as you were about parting 
with me, when our vessel no longer required the 
pilot's guidance, and was already leaping forward 
to the broad ocean's bosom. You said, with the 
arm of brotherly affection encircling me, ' Ah, 
would it were I, instead of you, that was called 
to breast the stormy billow, and encounter the 
trials and dangers of the sea. My hardy frame 



86 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

is better calculated to endure exposure than your 
delicate form.' 

" You may have forgotten this, but word for 
word has rung in my ear, as well as a thousand 
recollections which my heart has stored up of 
thee, of home, and kindred. But I have entered 
upon a life of sacrifice, and I find it absolutely ne- 
cessary to wawl off the approach of seasons which 
indicate too deep emotions at the thoughts of ab- 
sent loved ones ; and I have to make constant 
effort to lock up my sensibilities when these 
themes are the subject of my contemplation. But 
the Lord keeps me in perfect peace when my 
mind is stayed on him. 

" O how often I wished you on board our vessel 
when our eyes were presented with the gorgeous, 
magnificent sunsets, and the calm, placid, moonlit 
sea; and when we crossed the line and entered 
upon the broad South Atlantic — then I wished 
for you to gaze, with me, on the new firmament 
above us, bespangled with glorious constellations 
which had never appeared to our vision in the 
northern hemisphere. It supplied us with new 
studies in the refreshing cool of the evening, and 
opened to us sources of pure and sublime enjoy- 
ment. Mr. H. was our Newton, and our telescope 
too ; for we could discover the positions of the 
different stars, and the orders of strange constel- 
lations, only from the borrowed ill^rniuation which 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 8? 

his superior light and knowledge of the stellar 
world conveyed to us. Indeed, he succeeded in 
inspiring us all with his own passion for star- 
gazing. 

" And now I am at Buenos Ayres. We heard 
many alarming reports before we arrived, but all 
is quiet and safe. 

" No school premises are purchased yet, though 
there may be soon. We board with a Spanish 
family, and I am surrounded with unknown 
tongues. 

" Dec. 25th. Christmas day ! I need to imagine 
myself home to-day, surrounded by some dear 
familiar faces, to realize at all that this annual 
season of festivity has really come : for here 
are no merry greetings — no Christmas gather- 
ings — no cold winds. 

" Our hours for meals would perhaps just suit 
you — breakfast at nine, dinner at four, and sup- 
per at ten. I am now getting used to these hours ; 
but as for the cooking, I never, never can endure 
some of the dishes. Instead of turnips and pota- 
toes for daily sauce, they fry up together in sweet 
oil, tomato, onion, string-beans, squash, pumpkin, 
egg, sugar, and raisins ; and a fine mess it is ! I 
eschew it with all my heart. Some of the dishes 
are, however, excellent, and out of four or five 
courses I can generally make a good meal. 



88 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

" Buenos Ayres is a beautiful city, at least 
compared with Monte Video. It is laid out in 
regular squares, like Philadelphia. The Catholic 
churches are all splendid ; but the cathedral, their 
principal place of worship, excels in magnificence 
and sublimity of architecture anything of the kind 
I ever beheld. 

" There are some attractive-looking devotees — 
some dark-eyed Spanish girls with their large 
shawls thrown gracefully around their persons 
and over their heads. In their kneeling posture 
on the floor, or by the confessional chair, they 
certainly add interest to the scene. 

"The spacious wide churches have no pews 
and aisles like our northern places of worship. 
But the floor is carpeted, chairs are scattered 
here and there, and kneeling worshipers occupy 
and fill the whole space. 

" We expect to find good society here. Those 
with whom we have already become acquainted, 
Americans, are ladies and gentlemen who evi- 
dently moved in the highest and most polished 
circles of our northern cities ; and one Spanish 
family of wealth and respectability I expect to 
find good friends. A dear girl, an only child of a 
widowed mother, said, the first evening of our 
acquaintance, 1 1 will be your sister and the ac- 
cents, though uttered in broken English, fell 
sweetly upon my ear. She is very accomplished. 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 89 

has a superior education, and plays elegantly on 
the piano and guitar. She is about twenty. Her 
mother says she will be my mother. 
" Your ever-affectionate sister, 

" Susan Howard." 

"Buenos Ayres, Jan. 21st, 1841. 

" My Dearly-beloved Father and Mo- 
ther, — I am so glad of the prospect of sending 
later news. Here we have been now almost six 
weeks, and I have had time to look about me, to 
settle my mind, to form conclusions, and to pre- 
pare for action ; and I am happy that my tidings, 
so far, will give you pleasure, and increasing con- 
fidence in that God of love whose eyes are ever 
upon the righteous, and whose ears are ever open 
to their prayer. 

"I am really delighted with Buenos Ayres. 
Viewed by moonlight, it is exceedingly beautiful 
and picturesque. We frequently direct our steps 
to the beach, where the carts rode out near a 
quarter of a mile in the water to meet us when 
we arrived. And then the beautiful broad La 
Plata, the body of water before us, stretches out 
apparently as the broad Atlantic, and I never look 
upon it without deep emotions, as I think, Shall I 
ever launch upon its bosom again, with the pros- 
pect of being borne homeward \ 

" We have many very land friends here, who> 



90 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD, 



though of all denominations, attend our place of 
worship. How I love Mrs. — — »! She is just 
my own age, has been married just so long — on 
all points there is a similarity, except that she is 
wealthy, and the good Lord makes that difference 
to contribute to my comfort. Father and mother, 
ought I not to trust Him ? I do try, as opportu- 
nity occurs, to acknowledge the Lord in my 
ways, in my associations and intercourse with 
society. It is always before me when I go out 
and when I come in, that a consistent Christian 
example, in a place like this, must honor and glo- 
rify God. O may I be faithful in my allegiance 
to Him! Then, and then only, my light shall 
shine. 

"Your own Susan. H." 

FROM HER DIARY. 
" Jan., 1841. My prayer is, Make me willing to 
live and suffer just as long as it is thy will ; and 
since this has been my prayer, I have had much 
more consolation in looking forward to the pro- 
mised mansion in that heavenly place where the 
Lamb of God is the sun, and where He will wipe 
away all tears from our eyes." 

The great object of the Board, the establish- 
ment of a mission school, was not accomplished 
for want of the requisite funds and other discou- 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD, 91 

ragements. Mrs. Howard's ardent expectations 
of making herself actively useful were not fully 
realized. And this, with her health somewhat 
impaired, was a source of trial of both body and 
mind ; and caused her to turn her thoughts once 
more to her beloved friends and native land. 
Yet we find these struggles constantly settling 
down into a pious resignation to the divine will. 

" Sabbath, February. And what have been the 
dealings of the Lord with thee this week, my 
soul? O Father, they have been those of love 
and wisdom. Thou hast sent sickness to try 
me, to warn me, and to bless me. Seven days 
of suffering I have spent, as have not fallen to 
my lot for many years. But O what unspeakable 
comfort I have enjoyed in thee ! Thou gavest 
me food daily, and it was angels' food ; and 
madest water to gush from the rock, when my 
poor soul and body were parched with thirst ; so 
that truly I drank from that stream that makes 
glad the city of our God. Peace, peace has 
flowed into my heart every day while I felt the 
Spirit whispering, £ Thou art mine ; when thou 
passest through the waters they shall not overflow 
thee.' 

" I have just retired from my closet, where I 
found blessed company, and where I plead that 
while my dear husband is preaching God's word, 



92 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



a sacred unction might rest upon him. I cannot 
meet with him, but I can pray for him. 

" And if our fellowship below 
In Jesus be so sweet, 
What heights of rapture shall we know 
When at his throne we meet !" 

" Buenos Ayres, Feb. 7, 1841. 

"My Dearly-beloved Father and Mo- 
ther, — Yesterday Mr. Howard said to me, There 
is an American vessel just arrived from New- 
York. I was laboring under some debility from 
chills and fever when he spoke to me, and per- 
haps in part from the distressing heat, which, our 
friends say, has seldom been equaled here. He 
went down to the post-office, and soon returned 
with a letter. I could scarcely believe it, so little 
had I expected, yet so much had I wished. I 
received it calmly, even without a tear, though I 
imagined all along I should be so much overpow- 
ered with my first news from home. 

' " It was from my dear sister J. It told me all 
about her own dear little family. Next she told 
me good news of my beloved father. She said 
he was living near to God — was well and happy, 
and usefully and deeply engaged in the practical 
exercises of religion. This was enough for me; 
the fountains were unsealed, and I said, Now, 
Lord, I am satisfied. I could now lie down in 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 93 



peace, with no other tidings from home, and there 
I lay weeping and giving vent to grateful and 
happy emotions. Mr. Howard now returned, 
and scattered a shower of papers and letters all 
over me. I was overjoyed, and yielded to grati- 
tude almost unbounded. My trembling ringers 
soon took them up, and I counted twelve. 

" I looked for a letter from dear mother, but she 
had not returned from Cincinnati. Dear father, 
yours was the first I read ; and how happy my 
heart was to think you remembered your daugh- 
ter—the child of your love and your prayers — the 
child of your protection in after years — and the 
child who leaned on you for several years, not 
only as a parent, but as a companion and friend ! 
We walked together to God's house, united in the 
same exercises ; we supported each other in 
affliction, and, as father and daughter, have shared 
each other's sympathies. 

" my loved and honored parent, God blesses 
me when he blesses you ; and to hear now, in 
this strange and distant land, of your happiness 
and faithfulness, mixes such joy in my cup that I 
think, What sufferings could I not bear now, when 
balanced by such blessings ! . Farewell. We 
shall write soon again. 

" Your own dear Susan." 



94 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



TO HER MOTHER. 

"Buenos Ayres, Feb. 15th, 1841. 

"My own Sweet Mother, — I have not got 
one letter yet from your own dear hand, but I 
have perused the tattered and torn ones that dear 
father had probably kept in his pocket, which he 
received from you from Cincinnati, and was kind 
enough to part with for my satisfaction. They 
have comforted him, and now they comfort me ; 
for I read them with large eyes, I assure you. 

" Last night I retired early, but could not sleep. 
I tossed and worried about, your dear image ho- 
vered around me so. It seemed at times that I 
must clasp you in my arms and kiss your dear 
lips. My heart yearned for one of my mother's 
kisses. 

" To-day is sabbath — sweet day of rest. Mr. 
Howard and I had a pleasant walk to church, 
where we heard brother D. preach. You have been 
with me to-day, dear mother, and the communion 
has been productive of happiness. Mother, are 
you living very near to Jesus to-day? Perhaps 
that is the secret of it. I have no doubt the 
closer we abide in the Vine, the more sweetly shall 
our spirits blend together. I have felt peculiarly 
to-day how precious He is to those who believe. 

" 16th. I am so glad you are all at Murray 
Hill this winter. I sometimes wish that I had 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



95 



wings that I could, with speedy flight, perch my- 
self on the piano-stool in the back parlor — play 

Amilie for sister Mary and S , and for dear 

father " The Lord will provide" — then enjoy the 
dear circle, Jenny and N. included, by the glow- 
ing anthracite fire — -rejoice to hear all the news — 
then snatch a parting kiss, and fly back again to 
my husband. Methinks I could sing to him, after 
such an absence, 4 Lo! the winter is past; the 
rain is over and gone ; the flowers appear on the 
earth ; the time of the singing of birds is come, 
and the voice of the turtle is heard in the land.' 

" If I am never to see you again, I believe 
God will make me resigned even to that. For he 
would make it still more my meat and drink to do 
his will ; and what more should I require ? One 
thing I am sure — no other ties can ever supplant 
those that have been so long, long formed ; though, 
thank the Lord! other and new affections can 
keep my heart green and susceptible of happiness. 

" Wide though we are severed, and perhaps 
parted for ever, how good, how tender is our 
Lord ! And to think one day of being with him, 
seeing him as he is, and changed into his own 
glorious image ! O for grateful hearts ! 

" Sweet mother, are you living momentarily by 
faith in the Son of God ? Have you that spirit of 
giving up, of yielding all to the will of God ? And 
your mind being thus stayed on him, have you per- 



96 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

feet peace 1 Write to me particularly of your spiritu- 
al exercises. O if you knew how the language and 
spirit of your letters, and the tenderness which 
breathes through them, comfort your dear Susan, 
you certainly would be the most faithful corres- 
pondent I have. Do, then, write volumes to me. 

"Now, good by. Kiss my dear, dear father, 
and both love and pray for your own beloved 

" Susan." 

TO MRS. J. B. AND M. S. 

" Buenos Ayres, Feb. 15th, 1841. 

" My own Sweet Sisters, — I cannot let an 
opportunity slip of acknowledging to you both 
how much joy your dear letters afforded me. 
Sweet sisters of my heart, Jane and Mary ! We 
once had a third,* but she blooms in fairer regions. 
O how tender my feelings are at this moment, 
while I thus address you ! The elder sister hath 
ever set me a bright example, and at the same 
time by precept urged me forward to noble exer- 
tions ; and been my companion in the narrow 
walks of holiness. O, Jane ! can we easily forget 
one another? 

" On receiving that second letter, I said, O 
here is my warm-hearted Jane ! She does love 
to talk over those sweet seasons we used to en- 



* Harriet Maria. 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD, 97 

joy together, and, like me, the tear is elicited at 
each remembrance. Do you know, my dear 
Jane, that the half hour we spent alone the sab- 
bath before we parted will have an influence on 
the whole life that I spend, whether it be long or 
short, in Buenos Ayres ? It was then and there 
that I made the final- surrender. Now I realize 
that I had fully counted the cost ; and in view of 
death, in view of a final separation, I gave my 
beloved ones all up to the Lord. 

" And now Satan often whispers, You may be 
called to die now, and not have one of their wel- 
come hands to smooth your pillow — not one word 
of sympathy or love from those precious ones to 
comfort you in that trying hour. But he has been 
hitherto foiled in a moment ; for I immediately 
go back to that hour, and answer, I gave them 
all up for ever, if God should require it, before I 
left home ; and now my own happiness requires 
me to keep them offered. So, if I am ever called 
to die here, my God will take care that I shall 
never regret making that sacrifice for him. Am 
I not right, dearest Jane ? Who ever trusted in 
the Lord, and was confounded ? 

" And is Mary with you, Jane ? Are you so 
privileged as still to meet, and give the ready kiss, 
and whisper in listening ears each other's joys 
and sorrows ? I don't envy you, sweet sisters ! 
No ; but while there are two of you yet, love as 
7 



98 MEMOIR OF MRS. SXJSAN HOWARD. 

dearly as you can, for when once separated and 
gone, yon cannot easily find a sister. 

"My Mary, we used to unbosom our hearts, 
when our heads were laid nightly on the pillow. 
I ever felt a cherished love toward you, dearest! 
You grew and ripened into womanhood while I a 
second time experienced the fostering care of the 
kindest and best beloved of parents. We lived 
and loved together, Mary, as we passed through 
checkered scenes, trials, and suffering, almost 
apart from the rest of our sisters and brothers, 
and thus were our hearts knit. I have bright 
thoughts of you now. I see you elevated and 
bearing the true character of a pastor's wife. 

" My hope kindles when I think her sphere 
is marked — the post of duty is assigned to her ; 
and she will shine as one of the most humble and 
devoted followers of our Lord. 

" It does not appear presumptuous, dear Mary, 
to look for fruit when we labor for our Saviour's 
cause. He will surely use us, weak instruments 
as we are, if we only keep our eye single to ho- 
nor and glorify him. So be encouraged, sweet 
sister. Work with your husband — lighten his 
labors with your fervent prayers— sow together, 
and God will permit you to reap. It delighted 
my heart to hear of your bearing a part in the 
female prayer meeting. May you, though young, 
be to your husband's little flock an example of the 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 99 



believer in everything. And now adieu, my 
dear sisters. 

" Your own affectionate, absent one, 

" Susan Howard." 

FROM HER DIARY. 
" March 20. Thou hast made use of sickness 
and debility of body, my heavenly Father, to keep 
me from running in the ways of pleasure and 
carnal ease. Thou art about my path continually, 
as a cloud by day, and a pillar of fire by night. 
Thou hast made my bodily weaknesses and infir- 
mities subservient to my soul's welfare. The 
language of my heart now is, The cup that my 
Father giveth, shall I not drink of it? Yea, 
Lord, as seemeth good in thy sight." 

On the 19th of April Mrs. Howard gave birth 
to a daughter, who was named Emma Bertha. 

"Buenos Ay res, June, 1841. 
"My Dearly-beloved Mother, — After a long, 
long silence, I sit, with my babe in my lap, to 
commence the pleasing task of answering your 
welcome and long-expected letter. I am happy, 
dearest mother ! I am still among the living, and 
rich blessings have been added to my store since 
I last wrote and bade you adieu, with but little 
prospect, as I thought, of ever addressing you again. 



100 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

" I must confess now that I am a mother — my 
mind composed and tranquil — I have more yearn- 
ings of heart to embrace those from whom I have 
been for months separated ; but I can only com- 
mit you to the everlasting arms. My duty is still 
here. 

" I can almost imagine I hear my loved father's 
voice sometimes, and that I am mingling with 
you all in class, when I take up my hymn book, 
and read the hymn on the 146th page, which I have 
so often heard for several years past. O could I 
give in my testimony now to the beloved class, I 
would say, The promise I daily, hourly verify, 
4 1 will love Him, and manifest myself to him !' 
In a strange land, enfeebled by sickness, and 
compelled at present to inactivity in that blessed 
cause for which I love to work, yet I hear a voice 
whisper, ' Be still, and know that I am God !' 
And while I strive to do His will, the blessed 
Jesus leads me into green pastures and beside 
the still waters. 

" I have experienced many trials in Buenos 
Ayres. I think the climate does not agree with 
me, my health is so delicate. The disease pe- 
culiar to this country (a form of dysentery) seems 
to find an apt subject in me. I suffered so much 
recently, that a very little more would have car- 
ried me to the grave. 

" But I am now where I can speak of the least 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



101 



symptom of bodily complaint to a kind-hearted, 
tender mother, (and I can get beef-steak, potatoes, 
and onions, without swimming in sweet oil !) 

" Mother, your letter was inexpressibly comfort- 
ing. I received it on a sick-bed, and O how it 
cheered and sustained me ! Well, go on together, 
dear mother, in the heavenly way. Father, dear- 
est father, don't forget me ! 
" Yours with deep love, 

" Susan." 

EXTRACTS FROM HER JOURNAL. 
" Buenos Ayres, Saturday, July 10th, 1841. I 
will note down for you, dear mother, in the form 
of a diary, a few of the occurrences and thoughts 
of each day. My head is sore to-day. O how 
often I say within, Ah ! that she were here ! My 
poor little infant is suffering from a dreadful erup- 
tion. I have so little fortitude when I take the 
little sufferer in my arms, that I scarcely know 
where to place my hand for fear of resting on a 
sore spot. I can scarcely bear to think of her 
continuing thus for any length of time. How 
often I think of mother's sympathy, and sister 
Jane's example ! In everything she rises before 
me as my model. I never before realized the 
worth, nor benefited by the example, of that re- 
tired, unassuming, excellent sister, as I do now 
that I am separated from her. I think dear MarJ 



102 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

will feel as I do, as responsibilities increase upon 
her; but no, she cannot as much as I, for she 
resembles our elder sister more than I do. 

"Sabbath, July 11th. And a sweet sabbath it 
is ! I wish you could see the sun rise in Buenos 
Ayres, mother. I wish you could witness the 
enlivening cheerful rays that throw their bright- 
ness into the domestic harbor of your own Susan 
and Howard this lovely sabbath day. I have 
taken my rest, and my face looks no longer sad 
as it did yesterday. It speaks the language of 
trust and hope. 

" At the sound of the ' church-going bell,' I 
hastened to our little chapel. Brother Dempster 
preached with his usual liberty, from ' Fear not, 
little flock, it is your Father's good pleasure to 
give you the kingdom ;' which text alone was 
sufficient to promote joy and thankfulness in the 
Christian's heart. 

" Afternoon. How good the Lord has been to 
me to-day, this first day of the week! Mr. How- 
ard is preaching now, and daughter lies dozing in 
my lap — a good time to meditate and think of all 
God's loving kindness. I feel that the Lord has 
strengthened my soul and nerved me afresh for 
the trials and conflicts of the ensuing week. 

"Tuesday, 13th. To-night is class night, and 
while our daughter is sleeping quietly I will leave 
her in the care of kind Mrs. D. Again I am 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 103 

constrained to say, how good the Lord is ! My 
way is opened to attend the means of grace, and 
I trust in good time the door will be opened 
whereby I may become active and useful in the 
service of God. If not, he will teach me to 
learn duty and obedience at home, 

"July 18th. Our dear little one is still a suf- 
ferer. My heart is better sustained, I think, than 
at the first. She is exceedingly interesting, and 
the channel of our affection for her wears deeper 
and deeper. Her afflictions tend to elicit more 
intense interest than even if she were enjoying all 
the heyday of healthy and blissful infancy. 

" Tuesday, 27th. I have just been conversing 
with the Lord. My closet duties are inestimable 
privileges. How God- teaches and guides us, 
and builds us up by promises and renewed mani- 
festations of himself! I have been asking, trem- 
blingly, for divine influence. I say tremblingly, 
for I know what a responsibility the possession 
of it will leave upon me. I know that when God 
bestows this part of himself upon a believer, it is 
that he may go and reflect it upon others. I feel, 
therefore, that it is a serious, solemn thing to offer 
up a petition for that which is to require us to 
shine forth as a consistent example of the believer 
in exhibiting the lovely graces of the Spirit. 

" 20th. One would think I can have no occa- 
sion for conflict with a carnal spirit — a lack of 



104 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

spirituality — I am so shut out from the allure- 
ments and gayeties of the world, and have not 
much to engross my time but an afflicted babe. 
And yet self and Satan are always ready for the 
contest, and as diligent and successful, perhaps, 
in wounding me, as if I were really more pressed 
by worldly cares and anxieties. The Christian, 
it appears to me, can never cease to lament his 
proneness to grieve, to wander from his God. 

" August 2d. The weather is cold. My winter 
clothing is now very acceptable — my coat, cloak, 
and muff. A young Spanish lad asked Mrs. D., 
6 Where did Senora get that big glove from V An 
entire black dress among the Spanish ladies is 
the only one of any consideration. A black silk 
dress, with a black mantilla, a scarf similar to 
our light pongee, worn over the head, and hang- 
ing down near to the feet, indisputably character- 
izes them as of the gentility. However, they 
have other fashions which are very beautiful. 
The lace veil, thrown over the head and shoul- 
ders, is exceedingly graceful and becoming. As 
for a hat, they never wear one, nor cover the 
head, except with a shawl or veil, in the coldest 
weather. 

" The ladies wear no caps, and no matter how 
gray they become, they keep the head unadorned. 
Most of them of your age, mother, wear the hair 
parted behind, and hanging down in two long 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 105 

plaits, like our little girls at home. Some of the 
old ladies look shocking! Their gray hair is 
pulled straight back off the forehead, and hangs 
all loose behind. They remind me of some of 
the witches I have read of. 

" August 5th. Yesterday we held our little fe- 
male prayer meeting. But few attended, though 
we expected more. It was a delightful season. 
O that God would carry it on, even from these early 
struggles, to become a strong and powerful means 
of grace ! Pray for us, and for the success of 
the mission. 

" Sept. 10th. A month has passed since I last 
wrote. Dear sweet daughter is gradually grow- 
ing better. Tell the dear children, sister Jane, 
that the Lord has given their aunt Susan, in place 
of her little Harriet, whom he took to heaven, a 
sweet little Buenos Ayrean girl, and she is their 
cousin, and is now about five months old. The 
black girls are so fond of her that they leave their 
work to play with c the dear Senorita,' as they 
call her. 

" Sept. 13th. A vessel will sail to-morrow for 
New- York, and I will forward what I have writ- 
ten. A great deal perhaps you will think very 
simple, but I thought the more I dealt in particu- 
lars, the more satisfactory it would be to a mo- 
ther's heart. 

" I am learning strange lessons. I often think 



106 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

of an answer the Rev. Mrs. J. made me when I 
was speaking to her one day of my prospects of 
going to South America, and of my plans and 
hopes of usefulness. I spoke of female prayer 
meetings, and Bible classes, &c. She said, 
6 Don't let your mind flatter yourself too much 
that way. Your husband has got to be the la- 
borer for the church, and the active one in work- 
ing for the Lord ; and you go to take care of him 
while he works, and will be doing good at the 
same time even in your domestic duties.' And 
she said, she had laid out such plans for herself 
when she became a minister's wife, but her sphere 
of duty changed, and home as her field of action 
became paramount over every other. So she 
gave me to expect in coming here. But it seem- 
ed rather a common-place object for an ardent 
missionary to have in view. His or her duties I 
thought should be almost wholly spiritual. 

" Well, I am now here, and often have I to 
smile. I have hardly had aught to do thus far 
but domestic duties, as sister J. said. I am en- 
tirely thrown upon myself, and every moment of 
my time comes loaded with domestic care. I 
have literally as much as I can do, and as much 
as the Lord calls me to do, (until other opportu- 
nities are placed within my reach,) to take care 
of myself, my husband, and my dear afflicted 
baby. I do not mean toil and laborious work fill 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 107 

up my time, for this is in nowise the case. I 
only speak of my time being so completely en- 
grossed in temporal duties in contradistinction 
from the spiritual demands which I thought were 
almost the sole attendants on a missionary life. 
But quite contented should I be without laboring 
all that was in my power for God, did he let me 
enjoy these blessings — these cares, without any 
drawback on my comfort — without something to 
remind me I am not to sit down here and take my 
ease. I should have nothing to try my graces, 
and to incite trust in God, had I freedom from all 
anxieties and trials. So you see I am learning, 
if I am not doing, and it is comforting to think, 
that God accepts according to what a man hath, 
not what he hath not." 



108 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



CHAPTER VI. 

Extracts from letters— Depression of spirits — Probable 
suspension of the mission — Prospect of returning to the 
United States — Letters and diary — Arrival in New-York. 

TO HER PARENTS. 

" Buenos Ayres, Oct. 13th, 1841. 
" Where are ye all, beloved ones ? My parents, 
are they no more ? My sisters, do they cast me 
off ? 1 hoped you would ever hold me dear ! 
Unworthy am I of your remembrance ; but still I 
reckoned upon the faithful lovers at home; and 
thought, There shall I ever find affection. But do 
I right to mourn yet 1 I will wait till the next 
arrival. If any are sick or dead I will surely hear 
of it then. 

" I cannot write much. I am happy in my 
family. My babe is well. She is prospering and 
very lovely. I keep house, and remain just as 
when I last wrote, enjoying better health than for 
some time. 

" As for society, we have many precious friends, 
and peculiarly endeared to us by kindness in afflic- 
tion. Mr. Howard is well and contented ; but 
living in the hope that Providence will, in his own 
time, remove us to another field of labor. To this 
will both of us be submissive, if it should prove 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 109 

the will of God ; if not, here are means enough 
of happiness and usefulness. 

" Let me be assured all is well and smiling at 
home, and I care not what spot on earth holds me : 
but without this, even with beloved ^husband and 
child, I am faint and trembling, and sometimes 
almost sick at heart. This is wrong, perhaps. I 
do not murmur ; but you know not how sad one 
feels, when thousands of miles away, to have 
months pass away without one word or any 
tidings from home. So farewell till I hear. If 
any of you are sick, expecting to go to heaven, 
watch over me and mine when you dwell in the 
spirit land. If I go first, I will pray the Father to 
make me a ministering angel. 
" Yours, faithfully, 

" Susan Howard." 

The foregoing letter, in language of deep emo- 
tion, conveys the anxieties of filial affection during 
a period of several months that no letter had 
reached her from home. This depression of mind 
was not inconsistent with that surrender which 
she had made of " home, and all that bound her 
there," for the higher calls of duty in a distant land. 
It was in this state of mind that she received a 
welcome and long-expected package from home. 
She immediately sat down and wrote the follow- 
ing touching lines, full of pathos and poetic beauty. 



110 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

Her husband writes, — " The next morning, after 
the letters were received, I found the following 
jubilate in the corner of the room, and put it in my 
pocket without her missing it." 

" Weary, weary months has my spirit inquired, 
' Say, do they love thee still?' I touched the keys 
of the piano ; it caught the strain, and plaintively 
sung, ' Do they love thee still V I looked in the 
cherub face of my own little one, and methought, 
as the tear gathered in my v eye, her infant expres- 
sion was, e Mother, do they love thee still V A to- 
ken of affection from husband told me of tenderness 
and warmth here, and enticed me to a momentary 
forgetfulness : but alas ! the cloud arose again — 
sombre reflections gathered — my spirit would not 
be hushed, but its voice impatiently rose, 1 Do they 
love thee still V A gentle breeze wafted through 
the casement, and soft echo answered, 6 Still.' 1 

" And now from morn till dewy eve I carol 
upon the house top ; I laugh to the merry summer 
winds ; I breathe joy and gladness in my terrace 
walks and through the shrubbery lawn, and sing 
around my domestic hearth, — ■ 

' There is a home of love 
This side the spirit land ; 
Though oceans roll between, 
Immutably it stands. 
No blight or mildew throws its sickening gloom , 
Where love triumphant sits, in amaranthine bloom/ 
" Nov. 25th, 1841." 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. Ill 

Owing to causes previously stated, it was de- 
termined by the Board to withdraw the mission, 
and intimation of it had already reached Mrs. 
Howard, as will be seen in the following letter. 
Her greatest cross was, that she could not make 
herself more actively useful in South America : 
and this reconciled her to return to the United 
States, and even to welcome the prospect with a 
joyful heart. 

TO HER BROTHER. 

" Buenos Ayres, Dec. 12th, 1841. 

" My own Dear Thomas, — My heart leaped 
for joy at again beholding your familiar hand- 
writing after so long a silence ; and it rejoiced a 
second time when I ascertained it was written in 
dear New-York, at home. 

" It is quite possible the time will soon arrive 
when we may join you there. From the turn of 
affairs I have some reason to think that this may 
be the case ; and in so short a time as a very few 
months we may end our sojourn in this distant 
land. However, I am very quiet about it ; for I 
am wonderfully in love with another country, 
which is ' far better :' and if the great Head of 
missions should call me to that region, I should 
leave my representative here in Buenos Ayres in 
the English cemetery, while I, at my heavenly 
Father's bidding, cheerfully accepted the inviting 



112 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



call to a riper field. I gave all up when I left 
New- York ; and yet it appears to me I am going 
to be sent back. 

# * * # # # # 

" I am glad you did not fill your sheet with ac- 
counts of President Harrison's death. It was 
mournful indeed ; but for six months, during which 
time I received no letter from home, every paper 
that met my eye was filled with tidings of this 
melancholy event. A number of us foreigners 
exchange papers here, and all that gave full ac- 
counts of the sickness, death, funeral, obsequies, 
eulogies, sermons, et cetera, bundle after bundle, 
would come under our inspection during the six 
months. At last I said to Mr. Howard, What shall 
I do, if my letters reach me, after months of sus- 
pense, loaded with the same sad tidings ? 

" My letters did come, and later papers too, and 
my fearful anticipations were not realized. But 
I was mischievous enough to laugh outright, with 
the big tears on my cheek, when I came to the 
few simple words on this subject, which dear sis- 
ter put in her letter, — 1 1 suppose you have heard 
of the death of our late venerable president ! /' I 
could endure it no longer. 

" O with what a bounding heart I opened and 
read each family letter ! After the anguish I en- 
dured from your long silence, this was cordial to 
me. Farewell. Susan." 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 113 



TO MRS. J. B. 

"Buenos Ayres, Dec. 16th, 1841. 

" My Sweet Sister, — I now come to my dear, 
faithful correspondent, Jane. O if I live to weep 
on your bosoms, and to share again in the endear- 
ments of home, methinks 1 could say, ' Now let 
thy servant depart in peace !' It seems to me doubt- 
ful now whether the Lord will ever let me go. 
Well, I am his. 

" I see you are all getting along comfortably in 
the religious life. Poor me, how cold I am ! I 
am hungry, yet without food. Even the means 
of grace I enjoy on the sabbath scarcely satisfy 
my spiritual craving, 

" We have a class meeting every fortnight. 
These are the only times I hear the name of Jesus 
mentioned. Professors of religion are too polite 
to talk irreverently of that name by speaking it 
before each other ! O, it is a desolate land ! God 
does not appear to bless missionary labor here. 
Our prayer meeting also broke up, by the illness 
of my child. I fear the want of holiness is the 
drought that rests upon us. I think however, dear 
sister, I have profited during my sojourn in this 
land. I have learned some of the grace of endur- 
ance, for I have suffered much, and I have been 

thrown on my own resources. I have also had 
8 



114 MEMOIR OF MRS, SUSAN HOWARD. 



hours of bliss in this land. I have never felt the 
absence of my Father's overshadowing love. I 
have experienced true domestic comfort, though 
clouded. I suppose if I ever reach home again, 
I shall look upon this as, after all, one of the hap- 
piest eras of my life. 

"I have received a letter from M. D., telling 
me she had come to a resolution to give herself 
up to God : and she said, ' Perhaps it will encou- 
rage you when I tell you, it is through the influ- 
ence of your words and letter ; and now I resolve 
to be a Christian.' Jane, I wept. God sometimes 
honors me, unworthy as I am. One soul would 
a thousand times compensate me for all I am 
called to suffer here. 

" Pray for me, sweet sister, and if you would 
do good, write oftener, for your words have pecu- 
liar influence, and I ever beuefit by your counsels. 
" Your own Susan." 

FROM HER DIARY. 

"Buenos Ayres, January 2d, 1842. I have 
entered upon another new year. Fourteen 
months have passed of my sojourn in this de- 
sert land. Surrounded with blessings and mer- 
cies as I am, do I commence the year breathing 
forth praise and genuine devotion ? What has 
transpired through the past year? No funeral knell 
has tolled for the dear departed ! Death has stood 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 115 

aloof from my little circle ! Instead of a breach, I 
find a new link added to my earthly happiness — 
even a lovely babe : precious, precious gift !" 

TO MR. J. B. T. 
(A student of the ministry.) 

"Buenos Ayres, Feb. lath, 1842. 

" Dear Friend, — Every token which I receive 
in the form of a letter from ' my native land' is a 
cordial to my heart. If ever you travel to foreign 
shores, especially as a missionary of Christ, you 
will then know how soothing, how elevating is 
the influence of Christian sympathy. It builds us 
up, nerves us for conflict, and kindly transports us 
back to other days — other scenes, when we en- 
joyed the presence of the Lord, unshadowed by 
loneliness or absence from dearly-beloved circles. 

" Perhaps you will think strangely to hear me 
speak thus of my separation from home. You 
may think I cannot appreciate or exalt, so highly 
as I once did, that hallowed cause for which I 
came out here, if I associate it with loneliness or 
a sense of deprivation. With regard to the com- 
forts and sociabilities of^life, I have, nothing to 
complain. I have been surrounded, in this city 
of the south, with all these agreeable ingredients 
in the cup of life. But / am disappointed. If ever 
a warm-hearted, self-devoted Christian chose a life 
of sacrifice to a life of ease and social enjoyment. 



116 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

it appears to me when I look back, if I do not 
deceive myself, I did so when I left my father's 
home. Suffering in every form was presented to 
me ; but I welcomed, after severe struggles, every 
prospect. 

" Now, my disappointment is in this ; my trials 
have been altogether different from what I had 
imagined to be the unquestionable accompaniments 
of a missionary's life. It did not enter into my 
mind that I should have to resist a soft and indo- 
lent spirit. The fear of being 6 at ease in Zion' 
on missionary ground was not one of the expected 
sufferings. I have been called to be rather a pas- 
sive looker on. A life of submission, not of action, 
appears to have been my dispensation in this place. 
O how I have mourned and grieved after opportu- 
nities where I could hope to do something for God ! 
But my way has been ever shut up. There is no 
tract distributing here. My ardent efforts to per- 
suade a few to worship in a female prayer meet- 
ing met with coolness and indifference. If I speak 
the loved name of Jesus, I meet with but little holy 
counsel ; no congenial responses. Truly it is a 
gloomy land for Christians to dwell in. They see 
all around them the pomp, the gaudy exteriors of 
religion, and yet surrounded by souls in darkness 
and delusion. 

" Our Missionary Board at home, partly from a 
view that little can be done at present in South 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 117 

America, and on account of being in debt, have 
recently recalled all our missionaries. And now, 
if I live, the wanderer shall return. A bright star 
seems to point to the land of my nativity, where I 
can work for God. 

" We have the prospect of sailing to northern 
climes in a month or so. I have to pray a great 
deal ; for perhaps the cup of hope may be dashed 
from my lips, and I may yet be called to part for 
ever from my beloved ones far away. But God's 
grace is sufficient for me. I know I should not 
fail of happiness, even if the ' king of terrors' 
should send a message for me now. Let the cir- 
cumstances be ever so trying, I never, never can 
think of Harriet Newell's death, triumphant as it 
was, amid deep suffering, without taking new 
courage, and putting more confident trust in my 
adorable Redeemer. 

" Pray for yours in kind remembrance, 

" Susan Howard." 

, " April 16th, on board < The Falconer.' The 
term of my sojourn in a distant land has expired, 
and I am again on the mighty deep, wending my 
way back to the home of my nativity, the scenes 
I love so well. Our missionary efforts in South 
America have not been prosperous. Perhaps fu- 
ture operations, when the field is riper, will be 
more so. 



118 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

" In looking back upon the life I led there, I 
wonder if the disciplinary providences I experi- 
enced will have an influence upon my future path, 
when again surrounded by familiar scenes and 
occupations. Methinks I was led there purposely 
to suffer ; to learn the virtue of endurance. I am 
afraid I anticipate too much, leaving my crosses 
behind me, and having things more agreeable to 
my wishes hereafter. O how deceitful is my 
heart ! I cannot trust myself : I am so fearful in 
having a planning of my affairs in life. Sorrow 
is the cup I expect to be placed to my lips, in the 
natural course of things, unless the almighty arm 
of the Lord interposes and espouses my cause. 

" Sunday, April 24th, on board 6 The Falconer/ 
One week I have been kept with my purpose un- 
wavering, and my efforts unceasing to render to 
God, my God, the unlimited devotion of my heart. 
I feel this sabbath morning, while I have been 
struggling against the spirit of apathy which be- 
sets me on board this vessel, that the Lord hears 
me when I call unto him. 

" Saturday, May 7th. Probably my last night 
on board — my last night at sea — and the last night 
an exile from my native land ! Land is in sight i 
I view, contrary to my hopes or expectations, the 
country of my birth, of my affections, and of my 
religious privileges. To-morrow is the sabbath: 
and O that I may keep it as a day of thanksgiving ! 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 119 

With it I hope to experience deliverance from the 
sickening accompaniments of a sea voyage, and a 
safe and joyful resting place for my feet. 

" O my Saviour ! and how is my heart disposed 
toward thee ? Methinks I love thee well ; but con- 
descend to come nearer with thy precious assur- 
ance that thy strength shall be made perfect in my 
weakness. Go with me to the abode of my loved 
ones, who anxiously await our coming. Panoply 
me with wisdom, with self-denial, with endurance. 
And O appoint to my dear husband that lot which 
will best subserve his spiritual interests !" 



CHAPTER VII. 

Mr. Howard appointed, by the New- York Conference, 
to Durham, Conn., as a traveling preacher — Letters and 
diary of Mrs. Howard — Her happiness — Longings after 
usefulness — Their removal to Fairfield, New- York — De- 
clining health — Gloomy anticipations — Her last letter to 
her parents. 

In the month of May the New- York Conference 
met in New- York, and appointed Mr. Howard to 
Durham, Conn., as a traveling preacher. Mrs. 
Howard therefore remained at home with her 
parents and friends in New- York but four weeks, 
after an absence of a year and a half, when she 
was called to another sphere. 



120 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

The following paragraph was written by her 
in view of her husband's appointment to labor in 
Connecticut :— 

" May 29th. The Almighty God has disposed 
of circumstances so as to meet my earnest desires 
and hopes. My husband is appointed to a station 
on a circuit. I have thought I could be willing to 
undertake the trials and difficulties of a pastor's 
wife : whether I am prepared or not, God is about 
to give me the trial." 

Shortly after their arrival in Durham, the 
same contented spirit, happy under all circum- 
stances, because all were viewed as providentially 
sent, prompted her to write the following letter to 
her parents :— 

i ' Durham, Conn., June 14th, 1842. 

"Beloved Parents, — Here we are safely 
moored in Durham, and happy, very happy we 
are. Our journey here could not have been 
pleasanter. I am, as usual with me, at home 
among strangers; but these strangers I can at 
once embrace as brothers and sisters. Mother, 
dear, I keep thinking why does the Lord indulge 
me so ? It appears to me he is going to make us 
useful and holy, as a traveling minister, and a 
traveling minister's wife. 

" Durham is a neat, pretty place ; and these 
dear people are kind-hearted and prayerful. I 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 121 



never experienced before the bondage of being 
public property ; but to me it is a most blessed 
bondage. Our friends seem to think that we 
have not much to do with temporal cares, so they 
have arranged everything to our hand. 

" I am almost scared at the staring opportuni- 
ties I have around me for a feeble woman to do 
good. I see no avenue of escape for one who 
has received so much as I have from the Lord. 
She must work — she must labor for souls. But I 
have got to set myself apart, and consecrate my- 
self more than ever to the Lord. I long to be 
holy — nothing else can prepare me for my Mas- 
ter's service. 

" Our sweet babe, Emma Bertha, is wonderfully 
changed. She is a happy, good little creature. 
Adieu. S. H." 

TO MRS. B. 
" Durham, Conn., June 27th, 1842. 

" My Beloved Sister, — Well now you ask, 
* How do you get along V All is still exceedingly 
pleasant and promising. I am regularly keeping 
house with a most able assistant, and my beloved 
husband has no business to attend to but that for 
which he is so well qualified, namely, the service 
of the sanctuary. 

" My female prayer meeting, which was com- 
menced last Tuesday, was attended with the 



122 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

blessing of God. It was an interesting season. 
All Christians here are as one heart, mourning 
over backslidings, and resolving upon a holier 
career. I long for the presence of father and 
mother, and you and N., to add the weight of 
your influence to our devotional exercises. I 
have great faith in the prayers of our family. My 
health is at present good. We manage our little 
household affairs with real delight. 
" Yours ever, 

" Susan Howard." 
TO MRS. P. P. 

" Durham, Conn., Aug. 25th, 1842. 
" My Dear Sister P., — My heart tells me 
that you are still anxiously striving to be fruitful 
in every good word and work, and therefore I 
make no apology for thus introducing myself to 
you in this form. You know the lovers of Jesus 
have guides and teachers invisible to the natural 
eye ; they are intrusted with the secret of the 
Lord ; and the influence that impels me to write 
to you now assures me also that your heart will 
be glad to hear from me, and will yearn to impart 
holy counsel and spiritual nourishment. I want 
a faithful correspondent, one who walks in the 
ways of holiness — who aims at perfect obe- 
dience — who loves with a sanctified nature. Will 
you listen to my call, and talk with me with that 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 123 

pen which has long been zealous and successful 
in the cause of God 1 

" Since my residence in Durham, in view of 
my heavy responsibilities — in view of God's 
willingness to make me useful — in view of his 
exceeding loving kindness in settling me in this 
pleasant pasturage, I have made a new, solemn, 
and entire surrender of myself and my all to 
God ; and again I can look up to my heavenly 
Father as my covenant God : and to Jesus as my 
wisdom, righteousness, sanctiflcation, and redemp- 
tion. 

" But I had been told that none had been 
known here as a witness of God's power to save 
to the uttermost ; but God gave me the evidence, 
so bright, so clear, one sabbath morning, at quar- 
terly meeting, that I arose and declared it to the 
whole church. And ever since I have been ac- 
tive and fearless in acknowledging the victories 
of grace, and the cleansing efficacy of Jesus's 
blood. But, dear sister P., while I rejoice I 
tremble. But I am constrained to speak as plain- 
ly as I can, and even to teach all that I experi- 
mentally know of the doctrines of holiness. 

" You cannot, I suppose, surrounded as you 
are by those who know no other language or spi- 
rit, realize how I am conscious of such a cross 
in this. Why here it is. I am willing and de- 
termined, but nature shrinks from setting myself 



124 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

upon a hill, the conspicuous object of remark, 
But how glad I am that, as a minister's wife, I 
have a commission to act faithfully ! O will you 
not pray for the one whom you and sister L. led, 
and nourished, and brought up in the road to ho- 
liness ; that, being thrust into God's vineyard, she 
may be bold to take up, firm to sustain, the con- 
secrated cross 1 

" Please write to me, dear sister P., and tell 
me, that I may be strengthened in my ways, of 
your victories, your success, your lengths and 
breadths, in the increasing knowledge of God. 
Tell me how to do my duties acceptably, and 
what I must do. And may the Lord lead you so 
to instruct and edify my soul that I may water 
others, and in turn be made a blessing. 
" Yours, in Christian love, 

" Susan Howard." 

In the fall of this year, by the advice of friends 
and the approbation of the bishop, Mr. Howard 
left Durham to take charge of the academy at 
Fairfield, New- York, where he could also make 
himself useful in preaching frequently. 

Mrs. Howard, as has been partially seen in the 
course of these letters, suffered in her health 
while in South America. A dear brother and 
minister, connected with that mission, (Rev. John 
Dempster,) thus speaks of her while there :— 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 125 

" During the residence of Mrs. Howard at that 
post, she suffered severely in her health, so as to 
be for many months unable to leave her chamber. 
Here, though far from the large and affectionate 
circle of her kindred and Christian friends, she 
was so patient in her sufferings, and so sweet in 
her resignation, as to be admired by all who 
visited her. When sufficiently restored, she lost 
no opportunity of doing good in a more active 
manner. So fervent and benignant was her 
Christian spirit, as to render her intercourse with 
her new associates deeply and favorably impres- 
sive. Indeed, the fervor of her prayers, the wis- 
dom of her counsel, and the mild light of her 
spotless example, shed over her circle a hallowed 
influence which long survived the time of her de- 
parture. 

" Of this benign and living influence, the su- 
perintendent of the mission had an intimation on 
his voyage with Mr. and Mrs. Howard from New- 
York to South America. Though her suffering 
from sea-sickness did not entirely cease through 
the whole passage, she endured it with the most 
unruffled calmness, and was often found breath- 
ing the spirit of her Master by some seasonable 
remarks in the rough bosom of the sailor, and 
raising her voice in social prayer, when, evening 
and morning, we offered up our supplications on 
the deck." 



126 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD, 

In connection with this beautiful tribute to her 
worth and notice of her illness, it may be added, 
that she returned to New-York with greatly-im- 
paired health. Her disease reduced her to a state 
of great debility, from which she never recover- 
ed. She seldom complained of this. Indeed, it 
is difficult to discover it from her letters, except 
when disease throws a gloomy shadow over her 
mind. 

In a letter to her mother, dated Fairfield, 
N. Y., Dec. 13th, 1842, she says :— 

" You know, mother, I am sometimes of a me- 
lancholy turn, and it is constitutional with me to 
look forward with fearful apprehensions. I am 
busily engaged in domestic duties. It is profita- 
ble for me, though tiresome, to earn my bread by 
the sweat of my brow. How thankful I am for 
present health of mind, and comparative health of 
body! Pray for me, that I may be kept so ; for 
you know no religion can shield me or save me 

from the doom of woman's existence 

I wish I had J.'s hopeful and cheerful constitu- 
tion. But such as I am God made me, and all I 
want is to be as clay in the hands of the potter. 
Write to me, dearest mother, and enliven my path 
this winter. 

" Yours for ever, my dearest mother, 

" Susan Howard." 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD, 127 

Again, February 1st, 1843, she says : — 

" My Dearest Mother, — Your last cheered 
my heart abundantly. I have not had even a 
short season of low-spiritedness since. how I 
bless God ! He is good, very good to me, mo- 
ther ; so much so, that I can well trust to the 
future. My health appears good. I am deter- 
mined to believe the Lord will carry me through 
all things. It is a great comfort and relief to me 
thus to express all my feelings unrestrained to 
you, dear mother." 

TO HER FATHER. 

" Fairfield, March 25th, 1843. 

" My Dearest Father, — Your letter was in- 
deed a cordial. How long, long since I had seen 
your dear hand- writing ! Not since that period 
when I was experiencing the sorrows and trials 
of exile in a distant land. 

" We were gratified by your account of the 
Chinese missionary, (Mrs. Gutzlaff,) and of the lit- 
tle blind girls she brought with her to be educated. 
I hope the Lord will prosper this benevolent act. 

" The last of March has come, and with it the 
close of this term of the academy. Mr. Howard 
has just got through a weight of care that de- 
volved upon him at the end of the term, and now 
an invitation has come for him to commence a 



128 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

protracted meeting four miles off, and thither has 
he now bent his steps. 

" We are all enjoying good spirits, and endea- 
voring to live for heaven. I love you both for 
praying for me. J.'s letter has left a sweet savor 
upon my mind. 

" Your ever-loving daughter, 

" Susan Howard." 

On the 23d of April she wrote her last letter 
to her parents. Her health continued to decline, 
and in her critical and delicate situation at this 
time she had serious forebodings of an unfavora- 
ble issue. She writes, " I can scarcely take 
nourishment enough to keep me from starving; 
and my old complaint (dysentery) is struggling 
hard to get its former hold upon me. Now, dear, 
dear mother, can you wonder that my soul is dis- 
quieted within me at times 1 It was a dark day 
the day I received your letter. Turn which way 
I would, there appeared no light, hope, or com- 
fort for me. The prospect of separation from 
my dear husband and family was the only thing 
that haunted me. O how hard it is to bear the 
cross when we have not submission ! But your 
kind letter came, and it caused me to feel the 
tenderness of my heavenly Father afresh : I 
permitted myself to hope in his mercy, and con- 
solation flowed abundantly 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 129 

" If I had nothing to do I should be a prey to 
melancholy — so aptly does Bunyan portray me 
in his character of poor ' Feeble-mind.' It of- 
ten comforts me to reflect on Feeble-mind's last 
end ; when many of the pilgrims who had fought 
valiantly in life were almost overwhelmed by the 
billows of Jordan, he was carried triumphantly 
above the waters, and sung rejoicing till he gain- 
ed the other side. So may we all hope." 



CHAPTER VIII. 

Birth of another daughter — Named Susan Howard — 
Visit to her parents hi New-York — Her health continues 
to fail — Goes to Tarrytown — Returns home to Fairfield — 
Rapid decline — Resignation and spiritual enjoyment — 
Triumphant death — Conclusion. 

On the 1st of May, 1843, Mrs. Howard gave 
birth to a daughter, which took the mother's 
name. About four weeks after she was able to 
visit her parents and relatives in New- York. Her 
health was still very feeble, and she continued to 
fail rapidly from that time. About the beginning 
of July she went to Tarrytown, by the advice of 
her physician, who thought she might be benefited 
by a change of air. 

Her faithful and affectionate sister and coun- 
selor in many conflicts, Mrs. B., was with her 
9 



130 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

at Tarrytown, and was the last of the family who 
saw her. She had now parted from her mother 
and father, and her other sister and brothers , for 
ever, as, in the providence of God, it turned out 
to be. 

One little incident recorded by Mrs. B. deserves 
to be noticed. " I had been absent from her 
room a short time," she relates, " when I sent my 
little son up to see if she was asleep. But he 
soon returned, saying, 6 No, mother, she is sing- 
ing— 

" Jesus can make a dying bed 
Feel soft as downy pillows are ;' 7 

and she looks so sweet and happy, mother, I wish 
you could see her.' This was after she had 
passed through powerful temptation. Grace was 
thus manifestly triumphant." 

She adds, " When I left her at Tarrytown she 
was more comfortable in body than she had been ; 
still I had my fears whether I should ever see her 
again." 

About a week after her sister was obliged to 
part with her, Mrs. Howard was taken to her 
home at Fairfield by her husband. She lingered 
but a few weeks after this, daily growing more 
feeble in body. 

She had for several weeks been seriously im- 
pressed with the idea' that she could not recover ; 
and occasionally her struggles were severe in 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 131 

making a full and final surrender of her beloved 
family and all that was dear to her in the world. 
Nature rebelled at the prospect ; " but that hea- 
venly monitor which had so long been her abiding 
guest rallied her sinking heart, and showed her 
the victories of the cross : and again she triumph- 
ed in redeeming grace." 

At one time while in New- York, in view of all 
her afflictions, she said to her mother, " O, mother, 
I feel so tempted to think hard of God ; I cannot 
feel willing to die." Her mother replied, " This 
is but a temptation of the enemy. Pray, my 
child, and I am sure the Lord will deliver you." 
All that day she was much engaged in prayer, 
and the next morning she said, with a glowing 
countenance, " All is peace, mother, and I feel 
perfectly resigned to the will of the Lord." When 
reminded, in a similar trouble, that " Jesus's love 
was stronger than death," " Yes," said she, " that's 
it — stronger than death /" and her faith increased 
until she was fully delivered from all fear and 
temptation. 

The brief period between her return home and 
her final departure gave daily evidence of her 
approaching dissolution. Her husband writes 
that "she bore her journey far better than we 
could have anticipated. I designed to have her 
remain at Little Falls till thoroughly rested, but 
the morning after our arrival she besought me in 



132 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

the most plaintive manner to ' let her go home.' 
I therefore procured an easy carriage, and she 
bore this part of the journey surprisingly well, 
and for about twelve hours after her health and 
strength appeared to be decidedly improved." 

She however suffered a relapse — her former 
complaint returned with increased violence — and 
as she could not bear anything of a tonic charac- 
ter, she constantly grew weaker. The most 
skillful and experienced physicians were pro- 
cured, but all human aid was baffled. The pri- 
mary cause of her disease was pronounced to be 
" a chronic inflammation of the alimentary canal." 
Several attacks of paralysis of the limbs suc- 
ceeded ; and on the 7th of August she was afflict- 
ed with a more serious attack, which at once dis- 
pelled all hopes of her recovery, and indicated a 
speedy change. 

The same letter of her husband, speaking of 
this, says, " It was with the utmost difficulty that 
she could articulate the smallest words. She 
has said but two or three words since the at- 
tack." 

To a Christian friend who was frequently with 
her during her last illness, Mrs. L., she express- 
ed no desire either to live or die, but simply that 
the will of the Lord should be done. She said 
she had had an impression for some time past that 
she should never recover. 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 133 

One morning Rev. Mr. L. visited her, and said, 
" You don't appear so well as when I saw you 
last." She replied, "No, I am much weaker; I 
have been anxious to see you." 

Attempting to encourage her, Mr. L. said, 
" Well, sister, don't be dispirited ; I hope you and 
Mrs. L. will yet be able to enjoy yourselves to- 
gether, if it is the pleasure of God." 

She replied, " If it were the pleasure of God I 
should enjoy it, but I have no expectation of get- 
ting up again." 

" Have you peace within — have you strong 
confidence in God ?" 

" Yes, I am entirely resigned to the will of 
God. O, brother L.," she continued, "I had a 
very hard struggle while at home to become re- 
conciled to die. I believe for awhile I felt angry 
at God, because I could not live and enjoy my 
family, and the comforts of the world, as well as 
others. But I found it was wrong to feel so. I 
resolved to trust in the Saviour, and he would 
enable me to be resigned to the will of the Lord. 
And I asked myself, 4 Can I not trust in the Sa- 
viour ? Can I trust in him now ? Yes, I can 
and from that moment I felt a peace that I cannot 
describe. And ever since, the beauties of the 
heavenly world have been so clearly before my 
mind that I cannot doubt the goodness of God." 

Mr. L. felt her pulse and her hands, and said, 



134 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

" They have a cold and clammy feeling which I 
do not like." 

" Yes," said Mrs. Howard, " they feel bad ; but 
it will all be well." 

After passing through the dreadful paralysis 
which seemed for a while to threaten dissolution, 
she said to her physician, " It is an awful thing 
to meet the king of terrors, but it is glorious to 
have the evidence of our acceptance with God." 
She then entreated him to seek the favor of God, 
that pearl of great price, "that he might be a 
minister of peace to the sick and the dying." 

She also described the abundant entrance which 
God had administered to her. " I see," said she, 
" the broad land of Canaan, that glorious inherit- 
ance which has been purchased for me. It is 
all mine, and I have no desire to stay here ; hea- 
ven has more powerful charms than earth." 

Thus was the Lord preparing her for that hap- 
py home to which her faith and her hopes had 
constantly aspired, with few seasons of excep- 
tions, in all her Christian life. 

Gn the 8th of August Mr. Howard wrote to the 
parents of Mrs. H. as follows : — 

" The most melancholy duty which I was ever 
called to perform devolves upon me this morn- 
ing. It is to announce — not that Susan is no 
more — but that we feel she is nev„er to recover. 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 135 

Until yesterday noon, hardly an hour elapsed 
without our alternations of hope and fear. But 
now we have not an expectation of a favorable 
issue. 

" Early yesterday afternoon I asked her if she 
felt that God loved her. She answered with a 
very expressive look and nod of assent. 

" 4 Do you feel that you love God V I also ask- 
ed, and she replied, with the utmost distinctness, 
1 Very much.' 

" Presently I asked her if she thought she 
should ever get well, and she shook her head. 

" About midnight, when I had just disappeared 
to light a spirit-lamp, she called for me aloud by 
name ; and when I darted into the room, she said, 
* Come here? She had before expressed anxiety 
not to die when I was absent from her bed-side. 
These were the last words she ever spoke. She 
at that time put her arm (the one not affected) 
around my neck, and, when I put my lips to hers, 
she kissed me. But she has since hardly no- 
ticed anything." 

The letter of Mr. Howard was here broken off, 
and the remainder of the sheet was filled by Mr. L., 
and was addressed to the father of Mrs. Howard. 

" Dear Sir, — At the request of brother How- 
ard, I communicate the mournful intelligence that 



136 MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 

your daughter has gone to her rest. She depart- 
ed this life this afternoon, (August 8th, 1843,) at 
half past one o'clock, without a struggle or a 
groan. 

" The physicians consider the paralytic attack 
the immediate cause of her death. She has not 
appeared to suffer much pain during her illness, 
and before her death she said she had no pain. 
She possessed her reason to the last ; but for some 
time she was unable to speak. The funeral is to 
take place to-morrow at two o'clock, P. M. 

" You may rest fully assured, dear sir, that 
your daughter has gone to the land of the blessed — 
to the paradise of God. I conversed with her 
closely, and at some length. She gave the most 
satisfactory evidence of divine acceptance. She 
was perfectly resigned to her situation, and de- 
sired to depart and be with Christ." 

Thus ended triumphantly, at the age of twenty- 
eight, a life checkered with many struggles — of 
hopes and fears, and chastened by severe trials 
and afflictions. But God tempered his winds to 
the shorn lamb. Mrs. Howard never lost her 
confidence in his goodness, under all the afflictive 
providences through which she passed. It was 
her heart's desire to be an active and zealous dis- 
ciple in the cause of her blessed Master. She 
burned for the cause of missions, and to be a 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 137 

faithful missionary's wife. But in the providence 
of God she was called to be an affecting example 
of suffering the will of the Lord, rather than an 
active champion in the more aggressive spirit of 
Christian duty. This pure and holy light of her 
life shone sweetly and brightly to the last; and 
now that God, whose smile was her greatest hap- 
piness on earth, and whose frown was her great- 
est sorrow, has taken her gentle spirit into his 
own glorious presence, to be an angel of light in 
his courts for ever. 

Her remains were deposited in the Protestant 
Episcopal burial-ground, in Fairfield, Herkimer 
county, New- York. A funeral sermon was 
preached on the occasion to a very large congre- 
gation in the Methodist Episcopal Church, from 
the Lamentations of Jeremiah, iii, 33 : " For he 
doth not afflict willingly, nor grieve the children 
of men." 

It is not necessary to say anything further in 
conclusion upon the Christian character of Mrs. 
Howard. This is sufficiently exhibited in the 
free spirit of her letters and journal ; and it was 
thought better to let her speak in her own words, 
as they were written, warm froni the heart. 

The following lines, by a brother of Mrs. How- 
ard, were written without any view of publication. 
The allusion to his departed sister Harriet is 
touchingly beautiful. 



138 



MEMOIR OF MRS. SUSAN HOWARD. 



ON THE DEATH OF MRS. HOWARD. 

A pilgrim on this weary earth, 
With heart too pure for human bliss ; 
She waited but her Father's voice, 
To bid her in his home rejoice, 

And leave this vale of tears. 

Sorrow and suffering on her brow 
Had mantled earthly hopes and joys ; 
And God himself, with chastening hand, 
Prepared her for that heavenly land, 
The weary pilgrim's home. 

No mother's tears, in death's dark hour, 
Wept on the cheek their sad farewell ; 
No father's deep-toned voice was there, 
Lifted to God in earnest prayer ; 
She pass'd away alone. 

No, not alone, though human hearts 
That loved her dearly were away ; 
An angel spirit from above 
Descended, clothed in heavenly love, 
And whisper 'd, 11 Sister, come! 

" In realms of light thy home shall be, 
All darkness, with its gloomy reign, 
And sorrow, shall thy pathway flee, 
And endless joy thy portion be, 
jR ^ "* 3 ffi^k er i s k ? d sister, come." 

The hour «E»ne — Death claim'd his own, 
And her pure spirit pass'd away ; 
But not alone — for hand in hand 
The sisters rose, to join the band 

Of seraphs round the throne. 



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